Tiny Moments in the Harry Potter Universe
by NedryOS
Summary: Summary and disclaimers inside. If nothing else, I recommend reading Stories 4 and 8 which are "Friends and Lovers" and "A Magical Math Major's Minor Miscalculation." Caution: I don't claim to be a good writer and will likely never finish a good story. Browse at your own peril.
1. Summary

Note: If you're just going to choose on or two to read, I recommend 'M5' or 'Friends and Lovers' which are chapters 5 and 8

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This little collection is a bit hard to describe. I'm not a writer, I don't claim to be. I'm just a guy, who gets random scenes pop into his head from time to time. Actually, it's not even scenes, because if it was whole scenes I might actually be able to write something that wasn't awful. These are more like moments within a scene that came to me, and I tried to write a scene around it. They're mostly incoherent, insane, worthless and stupid. Also completely unedited.

I have a collection of something like a hundred little pieces of stories. Some are longer and weirder, some are shorter and more pointless. Half of them aren't even stories, just plot bunnies that I slaughtered and served up as a couple points a story could touch on. They're not good. They're not complete. They're not even final versions. You've been warned. I might possibly actually take up one or two as WIPs and attempt to write a full story around them, but I wouldn't bet on it. I'm a poor storyteller and equally bad writer, so I don't blame you if you don't like it.

Any characters, plots, or settings that seem like they maybe might possibly not belong to me, don't, and I don't claim ownership of any of them, nor do I care if you use them in your own story, or even if you want to copy them verbatim and spread them around the internet. Though I guess I wouldn't begrudge you letting me know if you use one of my ideas. This applies to every word posted by this account before now and after, and is the last time I'll be posting that disclaimer.

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As an additional general warning, I'm a sucker for HHr ships, and have never liked Ron in canon, and fanfiction turned me off Dumbledore as well. That's not to say that neither character can be a well written good guy, or that I won't read/write a non-HHr ship. I just haven't yet =). It's so easy to write an angry anti-whoever rant, even if I have to make up plot points, that several of these are exactly that. Anyway, on to the summaries:

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Chapter 1: Uncle Vernon: Not Quite a Squib  
Original idea: "After the war, Uncle Vernon is cleaning out Harry's cupboard and finds something that makes him so angry, he blows himself up with his own accidental magic. Harry finds this hilarious, as he promised Hermione he wouldn't kill Vernon, yet he kinda did."  
"Expected" type: One-Shot  
"Current" type: Single Scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 1598

I wrote a single scene for what I expect to be no more than a one-shot, though I suppose I could expand to a multi-chapter based on Hermione and Luna's agreements. This is not something I ever expect to expand upon though.

Chapter 2: The Hero's Shield  
Original idea: "Hermione discovers that powerful wizards such as Gryffindor had muggle weapons that were more effective in their wars, and wands were only used for one on one dueling. She makes Harry a shield that surpasses Gryffindor's goblin-made shield"  
"Expected" type: One-Shot  
"Current" type: Single Scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 953

This is another single scene that I started to write but never got around to finishing. What I expect this would be is a technically in depth novel about the deep workings of magic, and how Harry grows into using it to defeat Voldemort. With this story, I don't think I would include a manipulative Dumbledore, as I'd like to focus on the main characters learning and growing without much petty drama on the Light side.

Chapter 3: Hermione the Arms Dealer  
Original idea: "In many of Robst's stories, Dan is an avid shooter, and Hermione grows up knowing guns. Since she now knows both worlds, and is a first-gen witch, she ignores any and all taboos or customs and builds Harry a magical rifle"  
"Expected" type: Short Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: Single Scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 850

I wrote this in contrast to the shield story above. In this one, Hermione creates a gun that essentially allows the Light side to steamroll the dark side. What would follow this single scene of technical detail would be several chapters of Harry going on a rampage, which turns out to be similar to an arcade shooter on-rails, with a little bit of politics thrown in.

Chapter 4: Friends and Lovers  
Original idea: "I blame Incubus for this one. The band Incubus, that is. Great song, mediocre fanfic. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny discover they truly Love Harry, and decide to tell the rest of the magical world to bugger off."  
"Expected" type: One-shot  
"Current" type: Complete (if maybe a bit too raw for 'real' publication)  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 2288

For some reason, I got it in my head that 'song fics' are fanfics that are written in song form, which is not always true. Case in point, the first of many ficlets I wrote based on titles or lyrics of a song, but not necessarily involving singing or speaking those lyrics. In this one, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron all realize that no matter what, they are devoted to Harry. Having discovered several betrayals by Dumbledore and members of the Order and Ministry, they confront Harry and explain to them how they feel and how they need to move forward. Ron provides a bit of comic relief and Hermione is incredibly OOC. It's written in the form of a back and forth conversation with no scene details.

Chapter 5: Monologue in the Veil Room  
Original idea: "Honestly, this one's so old, I'm not quite sure where I started nor where I was going with it. It ends up being your typical 'Fucking over Manipulative Dumbledore' type story"  
"Expected" type: Short Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: Several somewhat connected scenes, and a bit of textual hand waving  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 2404

In this one, Hermione (who you'll notice is always the researcher in my stories) discovers that Harry can claim conquest over Tom. In several places I just didn't feel like either writing out or even outline a real plot, so I basically said 'things happen here'. Obviously this is a rough draft. In Part A, not much happens, but in Part B, Harry ends up in the Veil room and punishes Dumbledore for his transgressions after a lengthy monologue, hence the title.

Chapter 6: Roses  
Original idea: "Harry entertains the TriWiz crowd by joking around with Draco and terrifying Hermione. I've seen the dragon shit part, the Harry working with the dragon part, and the Harry seemingly being killed part, all done before and better. Oops."  
"Expected" type: Short Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: Several somewhat connected scenes, and a bit of textual hand waving  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 2134

Okay, so what I think I was going for here, was Harry needing to somehow get or prove that Draco is on his side, as well as wanting to show off and/or screw around a bit during the first task. That's pretty much it. I couldn't decide who I wanted Harry's girlfriend to be, so I wrote "she" several times without giving her name. I also had a few bits of hand-waving where plot and/or conversation should be. This is because I'm lazy.

Chapter 7: Nurse Albus: Dark Lord Incubator  
Original idea: "I wrote this after I got incredibly annoyed at Snape and Dumbles, so I wondered what an angry rant blaming Dumbles for three generations of Dark Lords would look like. It started off as a rant only at Snape, but it got worse."  
"Expected" type: One shot  
"Current" type: Single scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 943

Harry calmly explains to Dumbledore that Albus had created 3 dark lords and 1 who would have been had there not been another one. After listing their transgressions, he vaporizes humanity.

Chapter 8: A Magical Math Major's Minor Miscalculation (M5)  
Original idea: "HHR time travel. Harry is tasked with doing the math on a time travel spell that is supposed to take them back in time a few hours, much like a time turner would. It was going to be used to double their forces at the 'final battle' with Voldemort. Double from just Harry and Hermione to Harry, Hermione, Harry, and Hermione. It was a bad future. Anyway, Harry screws it up, and they wind up back in fourth year, disrupting quite a few other things along the timeline, first noticed when Neville and Ginny help them immensely, but also when the third task is totally different. This is probably my best work out of all of my half done WIPs."  
"Expected" type: Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: Multiple scenes  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 4776

Besides FwF, this is probably my best idea for a story yet, and is definitely the best written one. At the moment, it is essentially the first chapter to an AU/Timetravel, Manipulative Dumbledore, HHr, Heirs. Fic. Which sounds like it's been done before, and it has, but I still wrote a pretty freakin' awesome chapter in my opinion. I'm sure if I had enough ability, I could write a solid humorous story. I mean, Neville as witty comic relief? That's gotta be worth a few dozen reviews, right?

Chapter 9: Silence! Harry Potter has the Floor!  
Original idea: Hermione gets severely injured due to Dumbles' neglect, and Harry is *pissed*  
"Expected" type: One shot  
"Current" type: Single scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 2429

As mentioned before, I like Harry angrily ranting at semi-evil Dumbledore. This is another one of those.

Chapter 10: Gunslinger (Outline)  
Original idea: "Yes, Avenged Sevenfold's Gunslinger was playing in the background when this came to me. It's an outline mostly, so a summary really isn't necessary, is it?"  
"Expected" type: Multi-part / multi-chapter  
"Current" type: outline  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: -

I just had a really great idea about Harry being booted from the Magical world, and Hermione leaving britain, then them finding each other years later. "But with all that we've been through, After all this time I'm coming home to you" It would be a multi-part multi-chapter completely AU epic.

Chapter 11: Conflict of Interest  
Original idea: "I wrote this after Sprinter gave Tonks the shaft in 'Junior Inquisitor'. I just felt that being a metamorph made her quite a unique character and that she should have gone to Bones sooner to reveal her double duties. That would have gotten Bones involved and then plot happens. Here's like four-fifths of the first chapter"  
"Expected" type: Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: Part of one scene  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 914

Nothing against Sprinter of course, I do love that story and many of his others. I just thought that maybe Bones is a bit more proactive and maybe Tonks is a bit smarter, and she comes clean to her boss, which then turns the story around. In the end, it would somewhat follow what's happening with JI, as in Bones and Harry start their own little faction, but with Sirius, Tonks, and probably Hermione more involved.

Chapter 12: The Magic Tree  
Original idea: "Yeah... I was almost certainly on drugs when I wrote this. It's that bad." || Harry fell out of the magic tree and hit every branch on the way down.  
"Expected" type: One shot  
"Current" type: Couple incomplete scenes  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length: 1875

as I initially posted, I was on some (legal prescription) drugs, and given my laptop to shut me up. This was just one of three insane stories following the same theme of 'holy shit, harry's a magic bomb' EvilDumbles type deals. I think I left the other two on a pendrive somewhere, but I've got so many terrible tidbits laying around, they may never get posted.

Chapter 13: HPHRLL  
Original idea: "Harry finds himself in love with Hermione and Luna. He's already dating Luna, but convinces Hermione to help him write a love declaration that Hermione thinks is for Luna, but is actually for herself. Hilarity ensues."  
"Expected" type: Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: One chapter  
Posted: 24.09.2013  
Length:1185

Luna goes alpha and fixes their relationship up. It's actually not that funny at the moment, I don't know why I mentioned hilarity ensuing. Sarcasm? Eh, who knows. Maybe with Luna being nutty but just as smart as Hermione, the three of them get up to hi-jinks?

Chapter 14: Fun with Fidelius: Lost the Plot  
Original Idea: "What would happen if at the end of FwF, I just completely jumped the shark and ruined the story? Answer: This, but worse."  
"Expected" type: Multi-chapter  
"Current" type: One chapter  
Posted: 28/09/2013  
Length:1854

FwF is an idea that I've been working on for a while. To some extent, it caused me to come up with my other great idea, Isis, which is going to be mixing real 'muggle' facts and history with canon magical history and our magical myths. So what I wrote here is an epilogue that assumes you just finished the story and know what's going on, and then suddenly pulls a St. Elsewhere out of its ass.


	2. 1 Uncle Vernon: Not Quite a Squib

Original idea: "After the war, Uncle Vernon is cleaning out Harry's cupboard and finds something that makes him so angry, he blows himself up with his own accidental magic. Harry finds this hilarious, as he promised Hermione he wouldn't kill Vernon, yet he kinda did."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

Twenty-one year old Harry Potter did a spit-take, spraying his orange juice all over the auror in front of him. He sputtered out "Wh-what? I don't even… repeat that again?"

"I'm sorry for your loss." Said Auror Jenkins.

"No, before that." Said Harry, waving him on.

"You're uncle passed away this morning?" the auror guessed.

"No, no, no. After that. The why part." Harry insisted.

"Oh, you mean the accidental magic? Yeah, I guess he just got so angry he went from point-oh-seven-seven International Merlin Units, also known as 'barely a Squib', up to point-two-one-one IMUs, which was just enough to blow himself up." Jenkins rattled off his report from memory.

Harry was barely under control. He was shaking, biting his tongue, and tears were coming down his cheeks. The auror patted him on his back solemnly. Harry barely bit out another sentence. "And-and what, exactly, was –hehe- my uncle doing at the ti –hehmm- ime?"

"According to the documents recovered at the scene, as well as evidenced by the remains of a Gringotts owl, he was contacted by the Organization Responsible for Contacting Squibs about rejoining the magical world. According to your aunt, he yelled out 'freaks' right as it happened, whatever that means."

"You mean to tell me my uncle was killed by the ORCS?"

"Looks that way." Jenkins said with a grimace

"BAHAHAHAHAHAAA" Harry burst out laughing. His whole body shook from it, his hand slapped the table top and his feet stamped on the wood floor. Through Harry's baying laughter, the confused auror heard him breathlessly giggle a few things, such as: "Uncle… ORCS… Hermione… ten galleons… Luna."

The entire great hall was silent in shock at outburst from the normally stoic Defense Teacher, part time auror, full time hero, and current Chief Mugwump. His cackling laughter hadn't been heard by nearly anyone present since he was a second year. It was quite an event.

"Harry my boy, do we need to get Madam Pomfrey?" said Headmaster Dumbledore.

"No," he said, gasping for breath and still shaking from the laughs, "Herm-haha-Hermione"

"What about Miss Granger, Mister Potter?" asked Deputy Headmistress McGonagall.

"Hermione- heehee- Hermione is a bonehead!" With a pop, the phrase activated emergency portkey plopped the newly 22 year old bushy brunette, desk and all, right in front of the head table. As she jumped up into their standard dueling position, Harry fell back on the floor lost in his laughter again.

Looking around from behind a massive silver shield, Hermione could see there was no emergency, except for maybe a few of the Ravenclaws needing enervated due to being rendered catatonic by the blatant violation of Hogwarts A History. She stood straight and slipped her wands back into their wrist holsters, cancelling the dozen or so spells she cast.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" She bellowed, "Why do you insist on breaking the bloody rules! And I know you did not just call me a bonehead and not even in an emergency!" Her arms were crossed and her eyes were nearly burning the table between herself and Harry's still laughing form. "How in God's name do you expect me to get my desk back to the Ministry? They're probably on lockdown now, and I could feel Hogwarts herself laughing at me!" She finished by vanishing the portion of the table hiding Harry.

"Hermione!" Harry wheezed. "Jenkins… owl"

"Jenkin's owl?" She asked, and then looked at her coworker "What about your owl?"

"Nothing Director." He saluted for good measure. It's not every day a first year auror winds up between the three of the four greatest heros in hundreds of years, especially when one of whom happens to be one of his superiors.

"No, 'Mia," Harry was still fighting the giggles, and not getting up. "The ORCS, and… and… uncle"

"Owls, orcs, and uncles? Wha-" Her eyes went wide and whipped over to Auror Jenkins. "Report!" she yelled at him.

He twisted slightly in place and then fell over, unbalanced by the failed apparition, but quickly gathered himself back up.

"Report, to me Jenkins, not to HQ!"

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am, right away ma'am."

Hermione turned to the staff table "Am I really that scary, or did I hire another batch of idiots?"

Professors Sprout, Flitwick, and Vector responded in unison: "Scary"

"Shite." Her head drooped for a moment, before looking back up at Jenkins, who looked very much like someone killed his puppy. "Calm down, auror, and give me the report that you just gave Mister Potter." Of course, she didn't tell him she was casting a calming charm as she spoke. It took a second hit to get him to speak.

"At approximately oh-nine-hundred this morning a massive burst of accidental magic was recorded at Number Four Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. Recognizing that it was the former home of Senior Auror Potter, Minister Kingsley ordered Senior Aurors Longbottom and Bones-Longbottom to take a team over there. At oh-nine-oh-seven, us three and four others apparated to Number Eight Wisteria Walk, home of Arabella Figg. We approached Number Four Privet Drive from two directions, but we did not discover anything out of the ordinary until we entered. There were no magical signatures present, but we did find Missus Petunia Dursley, mundane, passed out in the kitchen, and the remains of Mister Vernon Dursley, squib, as well as a Gringotts owl. Mister Dursley showed classic symptoms of magical overload as indicated by the scorch patterns and magical residue. Evidence and interviewing Missus Dursley showed that he was reading a message from the Organization Responsible for Contacting Squibs when he became exceedingly angry, which allowed him to override his magic's binding. Since it was a criminal binding, it operated as it should, and overloaded when the bind broke. I was just informing Mister Potter here when he… uh… went bonkers."

Harry, who had nearly reduced his laughter to mere chuckles, burst out laughing again at the Auror's lame finish.

"Is that your professional diagnosis?" Hermione asked. Jenkins looked back in fear. "Forget it" she said, "Did he say anything else?"

"No ma'am."

Hermione sighed. "Harry dear?"

Though he was still laughing, he managed to look up at her.

"Now?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded.

Hermione yelled: "DAMMIT LUNA YOU FAT COW!"

With another pop, Luna appeared in front of Hermione, though unlike Hermione, she was expecting it. In fact, she appeared three feet in the air, buck naked and falling right at Hermione. Harry yelled out "Luna wins!" just as the little blond locked lips with the brunette, and Harry followed up with "Porkeys Home!" Altogether Luna was in Hogwarts for under a second, and still managed to knock Hermione flat on her back. Both of their portkeys activated simultaneously, dropping them in the same position at Grimmauld Place. Harry decided to check on them later.

For a minute, the entire school was silent. Harry got back up into his chair, summoned the table, and got back to eating. The head table and the Gryffindors, both used to Harry's antics, returned to their meal the quickest, knowing an explanation would make its way around eventually. The Hufflepuffs were equally unfazed, that was just their nature. Those poor Ravenclaws, though, were alternating puddles of drool and rapidly flipping through textbooks to figure out what in the world just happened. The last table, normally reserved and unaffected by the daily drama, looked absolutely stunned by the blatant display of magical power, the unexplained laughter, the sudden appearance of a naked woman, and worst of all, public displays of affection. Those Slytherins are a stuffy crowd.

Auror Jenkins, though, was roughly a stiff breeze from completely losing his shit. The three heroes of the Second Blood War, now Head of the ICW, Head of the DMLE, and Minister of Magic, (Harry, Hermione, and Luna, respectively) just caused him to embarrass himself while they had their own little moment. They basically told everyone that at least two of the three were sexually involved, and doing so at the third's home, as well as that not one of them cared about the death of Vernon Dursley, but in fact enjoyed that fact. His mind was thoroughly blown.

That was when he discovered and undid the cheering charms.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" he thundered.

Harry looked up from his plate with a grin. "Well, the short version is that Luna's birthday is a month after Hermione's. Last year, rather than getting a present from Hermione, they agreed that if Luna could get Hermione a great present and grant her birthday wish this year, then Hermione would grant Luna's birthday wish. She succeeded, and here we are. Well, here you are, I'm currently being summoned."

With a pop and a quiet thump, Harry disappeared, but his robes remained behind.

Dumbledore chuckled a bit, and said "Well, we're already into second period, and Defense is cancelled for the day so why don't we just all take the day off? Hopefully the Potters won't be… busy by tomorrow."

Auror Jenkins was the only one close enough to hear the headmaster's last sentence over the rowdy cheering. "Potters? As in plural?"

"Yep. They had to use a blood ritual to defeat Voldemort, and it connected them way beyond any marriage or oath. Unfortunately, Hermione was resistant to the idea of multiple partners. But, given how quickly Harry was summoned, I'd wager Luna got her wish, and that is no longer an issue." He smiled. "Oh, by the way, all this is currently under the fideleous charm, so don't even bother trying to spread it around"


	3. 2 The Hero's Shield

Original idea: "Hermione discovers that powerful wizards such as Gryffindor had muggle weapons that were more effective in their wars, and wands were only used for one on one dueling. She makes Harry a shield that surpasses Gryffindor's goblin-made shield"

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"How's it going in here?" The question came from a dark haired teenager who was looking out over the workroom. His voice startled the lone witch hunched over a desk. She flinched and turned to glare at the intruder.

"Harry James Potter! I was just going to come looking for you. You're lucky I wasn't carving at the time, though, that's how these things explode." The brown haired girl crossed her arms and gave off an air of extreme annoyance. The boy just smiled.

"I'm sorry Hermione, you ran off suddenly for two days with nothing but a glowing lightbulb indicating why, so you had to know I'd find you eventually. You haven't told me a thing, other than that you're still healthy. I was just curious what my favorite know-it-all was up to. Want to tell me what your latest project is?"

"Of course!" Her chocolate eyes glowed with enthusiasm. She went from dead tired to energetic instantly. "Well it started after DADA I guess because I was thinking about you and about how Voldemort would never stop coming after you. With everything Professor Moody is teaching us, I was wondering about the different types of battles, how old mixed armies used to work before Hogwarts and how the Aurors fought now. I was curious to know how the different shields worked compared to before."

Given that the last Defense Against the Dark Arts class was three days ago, the green-eyed Gryffindor guessed correctly he'd just committed at least an additional hour to her explanation, which initially expected to be two hours long. He quietly conjured a chair, and half a second later six butterbeers appeared in an ice bucket between the two teens. Harry smiled at the attentiveness and interrupted Hermione.

"Thanks Dobby." He said with a smile. At his name, the free elf appeared, standing the boy's shoulders and leaned over his head, into his line of sight.

"You are most welcome Master Harry Potter Sir!"

Hermione, after a long discussion on the nature of house elves, recognized the symbiotic relationship between the two magical races. Thus, instead of berating Harry, she laughed at his stunned expression and thanked the elf between her giggles. The elf smiled at her and popped away. Hermione, now with a drink in hand, continued her explanation.

"Anyway, I ran off to the library before History and grabbed a few books on dueling through the ages, as well as defensive spells. Most of them said the same thing: wizards used to fight with muggle weapons, as well as magical, alongside muggles in battles. The reason for this was that, for the most part, wand spells only had a limited range, and could be blocked by a strong enough magic, but the wizards were still relatively vulnerable to the long range bow and arrow, and also frequently had trouble in extreme close quarters such as castle breaches against muggle weapons. If a wizard was surprised, or expended too much magic, it was safer to carry and use muggle armaments as a last resort."

Harry surprised himself by being very thankful for the history lesson. It was certainly informative, plus he loved watching and listening to Hermione give passionate speeches. For her part, Hermione had gotten so in to it, her half full butterbeer sat idly on the table, narrowly missed by several wild gestures. Interestingly, she consciously took great care not to reveal the object sitting behind her. Harry abruptly returned to the conversation.

"-Harry might have some idea why this was, so I figured I'd ask you, but by then it was time for Professor Binns' weekly nap session." Harry's eyes widened and his brows disappeared above his forehead. Hermione *never* insulted a teacher. "Somehow he managed to mention something that actually intrigued me, as it was relevant to my aforementioned hypothesis. During what we call the sixth Goblin Rebellion, Sir Godric Gryffindor fought against the fledgling Wizengamot as he believed that the Wizengamot had insulted the goblins and wrongfully started the war. Even though they eventually retreated and settled it with a treaty, they honored Sir Gryffindor with their finest sword given to him and his family in perpetuity. However, I also discovered there was another gift given, one that was only hinted at, even in his own biography. The only reason I realized it was because during the war, Sir Gryffindor only fought with his sword and shield, Harry, not his wand."

Harry picked up her emphasis on the warrior's shield.

"If he didn't have a wand, realistically, he should have been slaughtered by the wizards, yet he went on to form Hogwarts a few years later. So I asked myself, what was so different about that shield, that he willingly gave up his wand for the war. Nothing even in the Restricted section made mention of it, but I just had a feeling that it was something I should know. I came up here after class to think on it, and suddenly Rowena drops this huge tome-" Harry suddenly spoke over her.

"Rowena?" He goggled at her. "As in Ravenclaw, Rowena?"

"Actually, her name is Rowena Ravenclaw." Harry stuck his tongue out at her. "But that comes later. I've had a productive weekend."

"I'll say."

"Right, anyway, I'm sitting there thinking about shields and the differences between magical and muggle projectiles, and this huge book just falls right in front of me."

Thump!

A loud shriek erupted from the girl whose toes were nearly crushed. Except for the size, it looked like a brand new chemistry textbook. The three foot by two foot book had an intricately drawn cover with what looked like a modified periodic table and several odd-looking atomic structures.


	4. 3 Hermione the Arms Dealer

Original idea: "In many of Robst's stories, Dan is an avid shooter, and Hermione grows up knowing guns. Since she now knows both worlds, and is a first-gen witch, she ignores any and all taboos or customs and builds Harry a magical rifle"

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

Okay, Love, let me give you the run down. The typical Death Eater uses shields for spells, and variations on lifting, summoning, and banishing spells for anything physical. It is very rare for them to have any sort of physical shield. Often though, their magical shields are actually strong enough to stop an object with magic in it. This means anything that you conjure or manipulate with magic to hit the shield, will be stopped. On the other hand, completely non-magical objects that are thrown or dropped on the shield will just go right through them. This was determined through rigorous testing, as you can see by the mile of parchment behind you.

One of the major tests we did was investigating how magic moves objects. To be honest, we didn't really find anything. But what we did discover, is that magic is not a force, in that it does not allow for continued motion after it is released. It is something more akin to a velocity. Once that velocity is removed, the object is stopped and released to gravity. Shields will disrupt the velocity and either stop the object, or redirect it. The same with conjured or transfigured objects. Shields simply disrupt the magic, and the item is rendered useless.

Now, all of you should know the Statute of Secrecy, but what most of you won't know is that the invention of firearms is what brought it upon us. Wizards back then simply could not contend with bullets. They were non-magical and guided by a non-magical force, at speeds that left wizards unable to conjure physical shields or even dodge. Now, four hundred years later, the forces involved as well as the fire rate have grown immensely, as well as the invention of more horrible devices. You may remember what happened in Nagasaki. Those types of devices are now strictly regulated by our world, rendered useless to theirs in all but very controlled circumstances. Regardless, they still have explosives and other weapons that are essentially unstoppable to us. In fact, it is only the stigma of arming our auror force with muggle weapons that prevents us from using it as it is.

The reason you are all here today, is that we have created a method of protecting you from all physical attacks, including those firearms and explosives. First though, we invented a way to test that, as well as a possible supplement to your wand if you can ignore the aforementioned stigma.

In my hands is a prototype mixed rifle. It looks like an M-16, but it's anything but. The stock of the body comes with an expanded compartment, about a cubic meter with an opening just big enough for a hand. On the butt are sticking and cushioning runes so recoil is entirely absorbed. The grip and trigger are both enchanted to respond to your intent, as long as the strap is around your neck and shoulder. If you intend to use it, it will appear in your hand. It will not, however, fire until you have fully, consciously committed to pulling the trigger and using it. The barrel is magically extended inside, giving the bullet better spin which means more range and accuracy. It, along with the magazine, chamber, and firing mechanism, are enchanted to accept and fire any number of bullets, as well as some that are currently in development here, which you will see later. Attached to the rails are an enchanted scope on top, a flashlight on the right side, foregrip on the bottom with an invisible wand holster for quick transition, and on the left forward is a laser, and rear is a display which we'll get to in a minute.

At the moment, we will be demonstrating the 7.62 NATO round, as well as our own M50 round. If it is used in the non-magical world, this blue switch can be set to S. In that mode, it operates just like its muggle counterpart, reloading from the magazine and ejecting shells, smoke, light, and sound, and only has limited ammo. If you set that to M, we'll have a lot more fun. On that setting, the display here automatically flips out. Inside it is essentially a magical computer that controls everything but the decision to fire, and has several neat options.

First off are the ammo screens. You can choose between lethal, non-lethal, potion darts, and summoned; each with a case option. The L and N settings display a selection of munitions that are conjured and fired from the rifle. Being magical means that they can be blocked by wards and shields, but they are useful against non-magicals and for bringing down buildings. Potion darts and summoned ammunition, however, are taken directly from the expanded space in the stock. If you're facing a magical opponent, and the conjured rounds won't work, you can have it summon a true round and fire that instead, which will go right through. Potion darts are exactly what they sound like, except that there are some concoctions which are purely muggle and will go through shields.


	5. 4 Friends and Lovers

Original idea: "I blame Incubus for this one. The band Incubus, that is. Great song, mediocre fanfic. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny discover they truly Love Harry, and decide to tell the rest of the magical world to bugger off."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Friends and Lovers"

Ron: "It's not the Boy-Who-Lived that I'm jealous of, its the fact that you're everyone's hero and-"

Harry: "But I'm not a hero! I don't to be anyone's hero!"

Ginny: "See! That's what we're talking about! You're not Lockhart, despite what Snivellous says, you don't seek it but you still are!"

Harry: "But I'm not! What have I done that's so heroic? What have I done that has got my three best friends so damn barmy all of a sudden?"

Hermione: "That best friend part is just another part of it, Harry. You are the kindest, most honest, trustworthy, friendly, and loving person. Whether out of spite for how horribly you were raised or because of your mother's sacrifice or simply that you were born that way, your ability to love and desire to help others, Malfoy notwithstanding, makes you a hero for everyone."

Ginny: "You don't go seeking out danger or to get yourself killed for another, but if the situation calls for it, you'd lay yourself at the feet of evil himself to save others, even if they were hardly acquaintences hours before."

Ron: "You don't consider your own feelings before acting to help others, to make us feel better, to help us. You are, Harry Potter is, a hero. For everyone, you, 'Just Harry' is a hero whether you know it or not. You're not some mythical Boy-Who-Lived-Destined-To-Surpass-Merlin-Himself, 'Just Harry' is a hero. Our hero."

Ginny: "People are starting to see you as we three do, not the perfect, omniscient Boy-Who-Will-Permenately-Remove-All-Evil, but as the boy who loves bloody near everyone with such a thorough passion, even if you avoid physical love, that you can't even see it for what it is. You tried to say it once before that you loved me like a sister... you, who was alone and broken for nine years and nine months, who can't remember the love of famiy, tried to give a name to your love and saw it as friendship."

Hermione: "And that's why we're here right now. You're our best friend, all three of us, and you're our hero, but you are not perfect. You have a glaring hole that's going to kill you in the end, and your complete and utter selflessness blinds you to it. With all your capacity to love, you absolutely refuse to allow yourself to be loved. You can't see that you love your best friends, and you can't see that we love you back. Completely. And none of it is purely physical either."

Ron: "You can't deny he's good looking though."

Ginny: "Hot, I'd say."

Hermione: "Ravishing... Err, quite, well, anyway, we don't love just your body, as great as you look, we love all of you and just like you desire to help others, we desire to love you and give you the one thing you've always wanted."

Ginny: "You spend so much time loving every single person you meet you've completely ignored your dreams. Sure we practically adopted you, and the Weasleys are not the family you want."

Harry: "Not... what? I - are you saying I'm not your family, that I can't be in your family anymore?"

Ron: "Harry! That's the exact opposite of what we're saying! The Weasleys will always be your family, and they were the family you needed, and the rest of them will always love you like a brother or a son!"

Hermione: "But the Weasleys are not the family you deserve, Harry, the one of your dreams."

Harry: "You keep talking about my dreams and desires, how do you even know what I want now let alone for the future? What is it you think I want, cause I don't even think I know."

Ron: "You want to be a father, mate."

Ginny: "Have a wife of your own."

Hermione: "Half a dozen kids or so."

Ron: "To raise them, and to love them."

Ginny: "To be needed, to be their dad, to be a husband."

Hermione: "To take them flying for the first time, to read them books, to play games with them."

Rom: "Above all else,"

Ginny: "Your biggest dream,"

Hermione: "Your own family."

Harry: "I still don't get why we're here talking about this."

Ron: "Harry. Come on man, you're being more dense than I was, and it might have taken me three weeks to get me to stand in front of you and have this little chat but at least I got the why part after the first half-hour."

Ginny: "It is kind of obvious Harry. We love you, and I'd say we love you more than you love us but even combined we've already seen how you'd outshine us by miles. We know what you want, and we want to give it to you."

Harry: "How? How are the three of you go-... oh."

Hermione: "Yeah Harry. All three of us."

Ron: "And that's the part that took three weeks."

Ginny: "All three of us are in love with you. Hermione wants to be a mother as much as you do but she wants a husband who understands she won't give up a career. She has decidedly less need for intimacy than I do, and that's what I want to give you. I want to show you, physically, how much you matter to us. To love you with every bit of my being."

Harry: "And Ron?"

Hermione: "Ginny and I had almost this exact conversation with him three weeks ago. We told him how we felt about you and sorta used some reverse psycology and he realized it too."

Harry: "You're in love with me, too? It's not that I'm against homosexuality at all or strictly opposed to it, to any of the three of you, but... How? When? It's just a bit much."

Ron: "Well, it is, um, kinda difficult to say. It starts with my jealousy like I was trying to say earlier. It started right from that first day on the train. You look right past all my negative qualites, ignored our financial situation, looked past how much of a right berk I was. I was jealous, because even though I understood right away you weren't the perfect saint that saved the world, 'Just Harry' cared about me and who I was. But as you grew into the wizarding world, you never cared about me any less, but these two and my family and a few others saw you as I did, and I thought I was losing you to them. It was never your money or your magic or your flying ability. I was jealous because I thought I was losing you, that you would leave me behind for better friends. And I know that that's stupid and I am rightfully ashamed. You could never do that to anyone, let alone your best friend. You stuck by me, even as I pushed you away several times, you forgave me more than I deserved, and you let me grow up and grow out of it. And when these two came along and they, well mostly Hermione, gave me a look at who you really were and what I felt... I realized that I could never live without you by my side. You've been there for me for years and I want to give you anything you want and help you in any way you need. Back then was an ass because you were everyone's hero while I wanted you to be my hero. Now I want nothing but to be your hero. If what you need is physical and intimate, well I can't say I've never considered it. I enjoy women as much as the next guy but sex should be an expression of love and the only person I could ever love is you and I know you'd love these two before me and I'm okay with that.

Ginny: "Hermione wrote a good bit of that for him."

Harry: "Figured."

Hermione: "Ginny that's not helping, this is supposed to be serious. Harry, Ron said as much when we talked to him, but I just told him to reword it so it you'd get the honest impression of what he means and not his typical ambiguity."

Ron: "It's true Harry. I couldn't possibly have said it like that, but I mean it just as much. Sex and pleasure aside, we took quite a lot of time to discuss this. We just need to know if it could truly work and we need your input. We know you won't be controlled or forced into anything and what we're discussion here is an option not an ultimatum. It's your choice. For once, put your happiness first. Do you want this, Harry?"

Harry: "You know if we do this, literally no one would approve. I mean, as much as they need, want, like, or love 'Just Harry' or the Boy-Who-Lived or the three of you, I think the four of us having an arrangement would violate all of their senses of morality, tradition, and probably a law or two. Can we deal with that?"

Ginny: "Who do you think asked that question first? Her, right? Well it was me, she started this whole thing by talking to me first. And ya wanna know what she said to me about all that?"

Harry: "Hm?"

Hermione: "Fuck all of them. Bugger every last person whose exploited the murder of your parents to create the bloody Boy-Who-Lived image. They're all bastards, all those who sees you as living beneath your false image or sees you as a weapon for the Light, or care only when you follow their antiquated bigotry and discrimination. Every last one of them can go fornicate themselves. For all you've suffered - from the hands of false prophets, manipulative HeadBastards, insane psycopaths, the vile torturers who dare besmirch the term family by calling themselves normal, the misinformed whims and rumors mongers, all this horror in your life that would turn a lesser being darker than Morgana herself - for all of that, they still want more and they deserve the evil they're allowing upon themselves. But you, you deserve happiness. You deserve a real life. You deserve a real family. You've sacrificed everything to do what you could to help them, and have gotten nothing in return. So we're here to return that. We're not here to make it up *for them*, they're going to have to that themselves, but for you, we will do exactly what you've done. We'll be everything for you. We'll do what ever it takes to love you and to give you your family. Anyone who doesn't think you deserve to be happy will find themselves at the end of three wands. Given an hour to explain ourselves, the Weasleys will stand beside us, as will Sirius, Remus, Tonks, the Longbottoms, the Lovegoods, your former Quidditch teammates, a lot of the teachers..."

Ginny: "Despite how much we've ripped on everyone else, and though we believe we're the only ones who can love you the way you deserve, there are truly a lot of people who would side with you, but not even their opinions should matter to you. As far as legalities, well, we're going to take their of that next week."

Harry: "Why next week?"

Ron: "It's a terribly long story that involves you knowing nothing and everyone assuming you do know everything and that you're just being cavalier and flaunting it."

Hermione: "That's enough Ron. Harry, trust me on this one. You know how I am with research, so I pretty much have it all figured out. Unfortunately, telling you that story will distract you. We want to spend the next week dealing with this situation first. Even having this mystery to look forward to, you will be less distracted, and frankly less dangerous, if we keep it from you for now, okay?"

Harry: "That bad, huh?"

Ginny: "We were actually glad that Ron took so long to grow some balls because it took us so long to get it together. Part of that involved the four horseman of chaos - Fred, George, Sirius, and Remus - so we had to talk to them. The twins are taking wagers on how bad your reaction is going to be. Not reaction to what we've planned, mind you, that will actually probably be the only thing that will cause them to lose their bet."

Harry: "What'd they bet?"

Hermione: "Harry, we're getting away from the point which is the exact opposite of what we meant to do!"

Harry: "Ron?"

Ron: "They suspect that Hogwarts will no longer exist. Probably Gringotts, the Ministry, and a good portion of London as well. Bet 100 on the castle, 50 on the Ministry, 10 on the bank, and a shits and giggles run on London."

Harry: "Okay, well now that I've got that over my head, lets get back to you guys being in love with me."

Hermione: "Dammit you two. He's just as distracted as I thought he was going to be if we outright told him. Harry, do you want to just know now? We can return to the whole loving you thing next week if you want. I can see it in your eyes, Harry, you don't know what to do right now with us, and you should take some time to think about it. That doesn't mean you get to shut us out okay?" *Kiss*

Ginny: "Just remember, we'll always be here whether or not you want us to be your dream family, we will always be your best friends." *kiss*

Ron: "I'm sure you'll appreciate me passing on this one, but Ginny could just repeat herself for me."

Ginny: "Gladly." *Kiss*

* * *

The issue that hermione is talking about, is that in August 91 before he came to Hw, Dumbles, acting as his 'guardian' told the prophet and all the other students that Harry was recovering from saving them from another magical thing, and that they should be respectful and take care around him. Dumbles had been the one that was building his celebrity, manipulating the entire student body in their beliefs about Harry. He made them believe that he the Lord Potter 'wanted to learn how to live like a peasant' and forbade anyone from speaking to him of such things. From causing his dorm-mates and house members to keep their distance, to the Heir of slytherin ordeal, all the way up to planning every last detail of Riddle's return in fourth year. He even planned the ministry operation in fifth year, as well as working *with* delores and the ministry, but didn't forsee Sirius surviving. See, Riddle was a genuine evil enemy, but the true prophecy meant that they needed harry to die at Riddle's hand of his own free will while standing at the last bastion of the light. Knowing that this meant that Riddle must gain control of all of Britain except Hogwarts, Fudge and Umbridge accelerated his return in order to facillitate his defeat. Riddle played his part like a predictable little fiddle, but Sirius learned the true prophecy when the Unspeakables saved him in the DoM. Somehow the wording is such that they are able to face him in Lord Potter's castle. blah blah blah plot and whatnot.


	6. 5 Monologue in the Veil Room

Original Idea: "Honestly, this one's so old, I'm not quite sure where I was going with it. It ends up being your typical 'Fucking over Manipulative Dumbledore' type story"

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Magical Subservience"

In which Hermione explores the idea of magical conquest.

Basically hermione discovers that the dark mark branded on the dark lord's death eaters were designed in a way that made them fully subservient to them and made him their actual lord. Since he is their lord, everything that was theirs is now his to do with how he chooses. That may or may not have been his inention in the first place, as what he really wanted was to be able to summon them, cause them pain, and use their magic. She tries to remove it completely, however she is only able to modify it. She disables the magical sharing effect, and changes the pain so that it simulates the outward physical reaction while inwardly not harming the person. It's similar to taking the Cruciatus and making it so that it doesn't hurt but still makes them writhe on the ground and cry out.

blah blah backstory, harry magically claims the defeat of tom riddle, through his failed attacks and the eradication of a part of Tom's soul. Instead of the normal result, which would be his blood revealing he's everything Tom Riddle was, one of the ancients appears. In this case, it could be 'death' or something like Lady Morgana. Regardless, they tell Harry he must present his case to the council of ancients, who haven't dealt directly with earth since the 1300s (allusion to Nicholas Flamel).

* * *

A: They tell him that they hadn't detected that Tom had created horcruxes because he did it in the RoR and therefore was not strictly in the universe. What normally happens, is someone attempts the ritual and they are immediately destroyed upon separation of the soul. Occasionally one manages to actually completely finish the horcrux, but when their body is destroyed, the partial soul is detected, and they ancients take both halves anyway. But with Tom, he'd created five nearly simultaneously, and had such an incomplete soul, that he didn't even register as having been killed. His soul split again into Harry and the Wraith. The people around the table vote to give Harry everything that was Tom's, including the location of his horcruxes in exchange for him destroying them and Tom's body. Since he's already there, they take part of tom's soul then. Harry then takes everything that was any of the death eaters because he's their new lord. etc. etc. so on so forth, tom dies and harry has enough gold to buy the Queen.

* * *

B: They laugh at him and tell him he's a stupid child for believing the Headbastard whose true goal was to sacrifice Harry and defeat Tom himself for glory and power. The only horcruxes were ones already in Dumbles possession, and the reason he became a wraith is that Dumbledore tried to subvert the prophecy. He killed James and Lily and fought Tom in Harry's bedroom. Since Dumbles didn't have the power to kill Tom, Tom was merely vanquished. Rather than destroying him, which usually happens when the claimant loses their case, they tell him that Dumbles actions will lead to the end of ze world and task Harry with taking out both Dumbledore and Riddle. Dumbledore would be able to claim conquest of Tom for vanquishing him, which means that just by defeating Dumbledore, Harry could claim Tom as well.

Harry goes on to find the resurrection stone and use it to get Dumbles into a trap, where he is disarmed of the elder wand. Harry must execute Dumbledore in order to claim conquest. Instead of outright murdering the old bastard, Harry spends a few months making Albus believe Harry's joined the Dark by sending him fake news and 'taking over' Azkaban and the Dementors. All the while harry is making Dumbledore believe that not only were Albus's actions evil to begin with, but that he is directly responsible for 70 years of death and destruction, from Grindewald to Riddle to Harry to allowing the wizarding world to stagnate under his rule. Albus is so distraught that he is hardly even a shell when he is 'rescued' by the 'resistence'. He is taken to the Ministry where he is supposed to join the unspeakables for the a last ditch attempt at redeeming Harry. Getting his hopes up, he begins to see that there may be a chance to be in the spotlight again.

The people bringing him in use legillimency on him and realize that there is no redemption for Albus's crimes. He would simply return to what he had been before. He is put to sleep and then wakes up in the veil room, strapped into a chair on the dias. Harry is standing in front of him, while Gellert sits on his right, Tom Riddle on his left, and the mangled and barely alive bodies of the 13 inner circle and three dozen remaining marked death eaters are strapped into the section behind harry. In the rest of the gallery are the entire Order of the Phoenix, what's left of the Ministry and wizengamot, the ICW, the Hogwarts staff, Harry's friends, a section of muggle royalty, and a small group of representatives of the magical races rounded out the viewers. As he finally regained feeling in his body, he senses the positive feelings that could only be a patronus, which leads him to believe there are dementors present.

Harry tells Dumbledore the story of his defeating Tom Riddle and changing the wizarding world for the better. After that, he explains what the veil of death actually is: it is an eraser that removes the body and soul from existence. This prevents the person from ever being recreated through necromancy or called back by sacrificial ritual. Because it is the only way to fully destroy a person, the Dementors are no longer used. At that proclimation, a massive tunnle of blue light appears and several hundred Dementors are funneled through the veil. Next, Harry recites a list of crimes and how many each was purportrated that numbers over 1000. "1123. That is the number of crimes that have been committed by those you've personally given third fourth and fifth chances for the Grindewald War. You are responsible for each and every crime. You will be forced to watch the result of each of your crimes before you are executed" At this, Harry pulls out a large jar of memories and pushes them into Gridewald and Dumbles. "You are also personally responsible for his rise in the first place via inaction, and are therefore responsible for World War II as well. Millions upon Millions of deaths. All on you."

Next, he begins another list of crimes, telling of the deaths over 4,000 wizards (mostly children, he says) and 10,000 muggles, as well as thousands of sexual offences. "Those," harry says "were the crimes committed in the last 16 years by the people that you, albus dumbledore, allowed to stay out of prison after the first defeat of Tom Riddle." The crowd is shocked. Not even they knew the extent of those crimes. "Does anyone here know how many people died during the First Blood War? No? 23,000 wizards, 50,000 muggles, 8,000 other sentient beings, an unknown number of magical creatures and the obliteration of three species of magical creatures. There were also over 11,000 people, beings, and creatures that left western europe to get out of danger. Less than 10% of muggleborn magic users born between 1960 and 1977 survived the First Blood War. Less than 25% of muggleborn magic users born between 1981 and 1990 are still alive today. That is the result of inaction. That is the result of bigotry, of hate." At this point dumbledores eyes are drawn to a scrolling wall of light which had been playing since he woke, but he only now saw what it was. Names. Flowing just fast enough to read, the wall in front of him was covered and as one disappeared another took its place. It would eventually show every last one of the almsot 90,000 names associated with his crimes, but in the hour since he'd awoken, not even a fourth had passed by.

Dumbledore and Riddle are forced by Harry to relive 10,000 of the deaths, as that was the number of memories that still existed. Each and every last one of the death eaters are dragged kicking and screaming into the veil. At this point, he unsilences Riddle and begins speaking to the man. He tells Riddle of the terms of magical conquest and how every knut that his followers, 45 of whom were heads of rich families, and 22 of whom were heirs to other well-to-do families, had or were entitled to were now Harry's. Over 300 houses, millions of galleons in land alone, even Hogwarts itself were now Harry's to do with what he wished. He was the Wizengamot between his Founder seats and the 49 lordships and 18 pending lordships. He was the Ministry, having killed a large number of its workers as well as all of its enemies. He was Hogwarts between the Founder status and his seats on the Board. He had an as-yet uncounted number of non-magical House of Lords seats. He could literally buy all of the British Isles, he was already the largest landowner on them, and except for government-owned lands, through investments and partial-ownership and over 1000 companies, he was the largest landowner in the world. Between the purebloods, the ministry, hogwarts, the ICW, and the royal family, he had access to or directly owned the single largest cache of books that had ever and would ever existed, topping even the Library at Alexandria, Bibliotheca Apostolica Vaticana, and Library of Congress - combined.

For his last bit of theatrics, he pulled out the elder wand and set it in front of Dumbledore, the ressurection stone and set it in front of Riddle, and the cloack in front of Grindewald. Drawing the symbol for the deathly hallows in the air behind him, three people in the crowd gasped before he said in a whisper that echoed through the chamber "I am the Master of Death."

He let that revalation sit there for a few seconds, before he continued: "I am literally the most politcally, financially, and magically powerful person on Earth, and, in fact, am the most such ever. And you want to know something great? All three of you desired what I have above all else. All three of you made my life what it is, destroyed my family and my friends. You guys pretty much fucked the entire world and none of you got what you wanted. And you want to know what I want?"

He looked up at the three people who recognized the hallows, Xeno and Luna lovegood, and oddly, Queen Elizabeth, before motioning to Hermione to come stand next to him.

"I want, more than anything else including life, To marry the woman standing beside me." *crack* he snapped the elder wand in half and tossed its remains into the veil

"I want to fuck her silly and love her slowly and cherish her mind body and life for the next 100 years and raise a veritable horde of bushy haired, green eyed baby potters." *boom* he split the resurrection stone in half and it joined the wand.

"I want to use every position and every knut I own to create justice for all beings" *fwoosh* he burned the invisibility cloak and wandlessly sent its remains into the veil.

"I want the world to learn and grow on its own and not be controlled for some fanciful idea of their own good." Grindewald was sent flying backwards into the veil.

"I want the things people do to matter, not who their parents are or where they're from or what race they are. No more ingrained hate, no more bullying, something that I'm sorry couldn't happen 60 years ago, Tom, as you were the only one of these three who could have been a good person, a great, powerful wizard for the true light. Your actions are irredeemable, but you were an evil created just like I almost was. For that I am sorry." Tom showed his first true emotion in 60 years that wasn't anger or fear. He bowed his head with remorse, stood, and walked through the veil. The entire gallery were in tears now as they realized the wizard before them showed greater compassion to the man, the evil that held them in fear for 30 years and destroyed his family, than they had seen any one being give another. Harry paused for a minute or so, hugging Hermione. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I want, Albus too-many-bloody-names Dumbledore, to never, ever, see your disgusting, vile image, hear your deceitful voice, speak of your evil deeds, or allow someone like you to control others. I want to have been able to be raised by my mother and my father. I want to have had three god fathers. I want to move on. I want to rid the world of your influence. I want to make sure this never, ever happens again and make it so that should something similar occur, everyone responsible is eradicated. I have already moved to make that happen. In exchange for the three remaining men who violated life, soul, and magic to remain past their time, as well as the return of the Deathly Hallows, I have been given the maintenance seat on the Council of Ancients. My wife and I were given the gift of being able to move between this world and the next adventure in perpetuity. For as long as we choose to honor the agreement, we two have been given a gift. Should we find that Earth grows dark once more, we will end it and start again."

Everything flashed white as Dumbledore was flung through the veil.

* * *

Self Omake: Because I watched Family Guy that day.

*Trial run number 837: Magical Subservience. Result: Failure. Thoughts: Unrealistic and beyond the possibilities of magic. (Note: verify loss calculation) could I really do something that awful? Surely I couldn't be that dark. Perhaps an unknown variable was introduced that made me responsible. (Note: check magic functions.) How did this blasted thing even come up with those concepts? An ancient council? At least this one was a success for the light.


	7. 6 Roses

Original idea: "Harry entertains the TriWiz crowd by joking around with Draco and terrifying Hermione. I've seen the dragon shit part, the Harry working with the dragon part, and the Harry seemingly being killed part, all done before and better. Oops."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Roses"

Harry befriends, or rather, makes an ally of Draco (see RuneMaster – Tigerman

During the first task, Harry gives Draco a piece of jewelry that keeps him clean, however it's not worded like this so that the reader doesn't exactly know what it will be used for.

When Harry's up for the first task, he takes a moment to portkey/transport a bunch of dragon dung to appear over draco.

Everyone is of course rightly disgusted, and incredibly amused, but then draco just walks right through it as if it were no problem.

Harry then sonorus's himself and says "Only a Malfoy could walk through a pile of shit and come out smelling like roses."

Draco then does the same and replies "Hah, that's because a true Slytherin is cunning and thus always prepared."

And then everyone laughs.

Another version could be similar, where Harry sends the dragon dung on a female of another house, who has the same enchanted jewelry.

After she walks out perfectly clean, Harry says to her (for all to hear) "HA! I told you, you would have been/are a perfect Slytherin!"

"Oh yeah, and what gave you that idea? And you better have a damn good reason for this!"

"Only a master of cunning could walk through a pile of dragon shit and-" he begins waving his wand "come out smelling like roses." He finishes with a flourish and a bouquet of roses appears in her arms.

Ditto the laughter.

"If this is your way of asking me out, you needn't have involved dragon droppings… unless you're in to that sort of thing, in which case I believe Charlie is still available!"

More laughter.

"No no, I merely heard rumors about your favorite perfume, so I figured I'd save you some time and lend a wand or so. Besides, Charlie's idea of a date is a candlelit dinner with a class 5 creature, and I'd much rather be the diner than the meal."

Charlie "Hey now, keep me out of this!"

At this point, the giant dragon began to look bored of not being the center of attention, and made her move to change that. She reared back on two legs, straining the chain around her neck, and let out a huge roar and fire stream headed straight at Harry's back.

The dragon handlers, who all had alerts to let them know if the contestant were truly in danger of death and the dragon in need of restraint, were the only ones able to realize that Harry was no longer in the spot that was now occupied by a ten foot tower of flame. However, since the crowd had no such devices, panicked as the unfortunate fourth champion appeared to be vaporized hardly a second after he finished their verbal entertainment.

In particular, one witch was horrified that she distracted the boy, and screamed out his name. "HARRY!" Terror and anguish flooded her voice, but just as suddenly as the dragon attacked, there was a flash of light next to the girl.

"You rang?" Harry said, having appeared at her side. She screamed again, this time startled by his voice, and glomped him forcefully. Realizing he was intact and quite un-vaporized, she then punched him repeatedly and yelled at him. "Harry. James. Potter. So Help Me. If You EVER. Do something. So. BLOODY. GRYPHINDORISH. Again. I will kill you, resurrect your dead body, and kill you more, twice as painfully!"

- Alternatively –

Where there was a Potter moments ago, was now a 10 foot ball of flame still being fueled by an irate mother dragon. It took only seconds for the handler team to fire stunning and restraining spells at the magically resistant beast. To their relief she complied and gracefully turned from the melted earth and still burning air to return to a resting spot over her five eggs.

Several people screamed, though none as loud as "SHE". Ludo, clearly terrified that his tournament had killed the BWL (and absolutely not because of his new goblin debts), fainted, as did several girls and (to their utter shame) a few guys as well. Others, such as Professors McGonnagall, Flitwick, and Dumbledore, raced towards the scorched hole in the ground to attempt to rescue and stabilize the errant champion. The rest of the stadium merely sat transfixed at the horror they witnessed. None could believe their part-time hero and part time pariah had actually been cooked by a dragon. Not even Draco, were he conscious, would have truly wished this death upon Harry.

The professors reached ground zero and had nothing to continue casting at. Watching them stop, stare, and visibly lose hope caused "SHE" to alternate "Harry" and "No" while still unable to move or look away. After a few seconds, "SHE" was practically petrified with no sound or movement.

That is, until a voice next to her blithely asked "Watcha lookin at?"

*WHAM* the source of the voice suddenly found himself looking at the swirling and blurry sky with a significant portion of his nose introduced to his cheek.

"Harry! You're alive! You're not hurt!" While picking him up from the ground, she realized she physically reacted in anger to him clearly pranking the entire tournament before consciously realizing that he had done so. Then consciously returned from concern to anger, and decked him again, breaking bones on both ends of the punch.

"YOU BASTERD! YOU UTTER DISGUSTING SICK BASTERD! I THOUGHT YOU DIED! I LOVED YOU AND THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE AND NEVER COMING BACK AND I WAS SO SCARED! YOU COULD HAVE DIED EVEN IF IT WAS A TRICK AND HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME!"

Not that it did any good. He was hardly awake and more focused on getting her to stop kicking him. Though later it would be said she romantically fell into his arms and he held her close, she more or less collapsed on top of him and he hardly had to move to 'hold her close'. He tried valiantly to calm her heaving and sobbing without further damaging his organs with his incredibly mangled ribcage. She did a quite a number on him and it took a rather amazing amount of resistance to stay conscious and verbally attempt to do so, but in short order Madame Pomfrey was at their feet and stunned them both for transport to the medical wing.

Between the other three contestants still confined to the medical wing a short time later, it was determined that attacks by "SHE" were significantly more dangerous than any Norwegian Ridgeback. Had he been awake to judge the tray of a dozen potions next to his bed, the fourth would have agreed. The three silently vowed never to get on her bad side and discretely moved away from her sleeping form.

*I'm shitty at writing dialogue so imagine the judges checking on Harry and the others, then Poppy jumping down their throats about the danger, followed by them determining that they can't give scores until Harry is awake or the day of the second task, whichever is first. Karkaroff is determined to judge him a zero right then and there because he didn't complete the task, actually face the dragon, and left the area without his egg. Bagman, of course, argues for him to get the benefit of the doubt for his amazing dodge of firebreath, while Dumbledor is still stuck on asking 'how the bloody hell did he manage that'.

A while later, the Hogwarts rumor mill comes up with all sorts of theories, such as him actually being dead and the harry that was assaulted was a plant, or that he was killed by "SHE" and that "SHE" was taken to Azkaban, or various other things that are anywhere from vile, viscous lies to him being Merlin incarnate (again).

Harry and "SHE" wake up in the hospital wing, and have another fight. Harry begs for forgiveness and is determined to let her know that he loves her as well and to make up for his horrible judgement. She agreed the dragon shit/roses thing was really funny, and that had she not thought he was vaporized, the fire thing would have been too. She also apologized for leaving him hospital bound for a week. But he said he probably deserved it. On the day before he's actually supposed to leave the Hospital Wing, he takes HER out on a surprise to the dragon pens. She angrily compares it to the 'surprise' of him being dead, but he tells her that he wants to explain how he had everything under control and planned out.

He approaches the pen and begins hissing towards the dragons. She realizes that Parseltounge is a derivative of Dragon, so harry has at least rudimentary communication with them. As it turns out, the ridgeback is actually Norberta, Hagrids former dragon, so they already had a history together. Harry had told her what was going on with the tournament and explained that he had no desire to fight or harm her or the others. What he wanted was in exchange for some meat and passing off some messages to the 'trainers', she would help him in the task.

Though he did not know exactly what was required, he left it up to her to guess what was needed for the task and how to help. He also told HER about their ability to regulate the heat of their flames. Thus, when she 'attacked' what had actually happened was that she picked up the egg in her mouth, yelled 'Hey harry, catch', and spit it at him, followed closely by room-temperature fire to hide it, not even enough to singe him. Then, he portkeyed away, right next to HER.

Thus, even though it looked like he was dead, let alone under attack, he was perfectly fine the whole time. Though he now understood that he should have told her first. He then asks Norberta if she would be willing to let SHE have a ride and perhaps scratch some itchy scales and toss in a few more cows. She agrees and Harry asks SHE if she's up to it, not-so-subtly hinting that it would offend the dragon if she did not.

They wind up flying over the quidditch pitch where the school has reassembled (for merlin knows what illogical reason, the great hall was perfectly fine) to read off the scores. Harry and SHE land and hop off of the dragon. Once everyone is calmed that it is alright, Dumbles admonishes him for being out of Poppy's care early, Ludo congratulates him on the show, and Karkaroff accuses him of cheating by colluding with the dragon. Barty steps in and says that there's really no rule against it, as if there was, the goblet would have taken his magic. Harry and SHE pale at this, but nobody notices. Maxime merely requests that they move along.

The first three go as in canon, but when they get to harry, Igor maliciously details how much of a failure he is, and tells him he will get no points as he did not finish. Harry objects, on the grounds that he just pulled the egg from his robes signifying that he did indeed finish and it took under five minute. Igor flips his shit and in his anger sends unspecified magic towards harry and SHE. Norberta intercepts it and it disappates, however igor is now in deep deep shit with a lot of people, and a dragon.

Things are taken care of on that front, and Harry explains again what happens. Everyone already knows he's a parselmouth, so he tells them that Norberta, who he admits to already being acquainted with, discovered an extra egg and figured the fasted way away from the subjugation and threat to her eggs, was giving it to the competeter, namely Harry. Clearly the other dragons weren't smart enough for this (at which the dragon snorts and laughs a dragon laugh).

As for the magical flamethrowing, harry tells them that it was just for show to scare harry and the crowd away from the eggs, and the evidence of this was the fact that he immediately stopped firing when the trainers stepped in.

The panel of judges decides to take a recess to determine his scores. As the goblet did not determine him to have cheated, and he finished in the fastest time with no injuries or loss of dragon life, he should get close to full marks, even if he only, like fleur, used a hereditary ability and not genuine skill.

He gets a zero from Kark. a 10 from ludo, and 7s from the rest. At 31 points, he's still last by a full 7 points or some such BS.

Thus, ends this random saga.


	8. 7 Nurse Albus: Dark Lord Incubator

Original idea: "I wrote this after I got incredibly annoyed at Snape and Dumbles, so I wondered what an angry rant blaming Dumbles for three generations of Dark Lords would look like. It started off as a rant only at Snape, but it got worse."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Potions Master!?"

I am utterly disgusted at what you've allowed your so-called professor to do to his students, Mister Dumbledore. This is not education, this is drill instruction. There's no safety, no study of ingredient reaction, no study of how outside variables affect potions. He terrifies his students, distracts them, insults them, and gives negative reinforcement for even the smallest of infractions, and often when there's no infraction at all. He often puts incorrect instructions on the board, allowing only his Slytherin student to get the real instructions, he allows his house to cause mayhem and destruction in his classroom… Mister Dumbledore, that bastard allows dozens of students each year to become scalded, maimed, and otherwise harmed by explosions and other reactions that are literally always caused by poor instruction or interference from him and his house.

He has turned potion making from a skill and profession into something dark and evil to be feared and avoided. He has done more to eliminate Aurors, Healers, and a hundred other professions than Tom fucking Riddle ever did with the DADA curse, and you will damn well sit through that discussion as well. This sick fuck uses magic on your students, the very people you're supposed to protect, from the time they're eleven fucking years old Mister Dumbledore and we have several reports of him causing core failure and instability, physical defects, destruction of property, and effective torture. OF CHILDREN! You allow this! You are responsible for this! And that's just in the classroom!

You hired a bloody fucking Death Eater, murderer, rapist, thief, and dark wizard to look after children! Several of whom he directly took part in them becoming orphans or losing other family members! Look out at this school right now. Of the roughly 1500 extra students you would have if not for the Blood War, Severus Snape had a direct hand in over 400 of their deaths or displacement out of the Isles. He killed them, their family, destroyed their homes, bound them as slaves! He is a depraved, sick, twisted, and disgusting fuck! Who knows what he's done to the students here! Rape, assault, memory modification, imperious, obliviation, and murder!

We believe he's been attacking his former students once they've graduated or moved out. There are nearly 100 cases we believe he's connected to! Again, that's before we've added in his dark and illegal potions making he's done right here in your fucking school Mister Dumbledore! Those potions have been used to kill, bind, steal, rape, and destroy another 1000 or more people's lives! And you trust him? You believe he is good? Even if he gives you the basest of information, is it worth it to you Mister Dumbledore? Because your Order did absolutely fucking shit in the last Blood War. You did not train them to fight, you did not pass along important information, and I will make this accusation now since you've gotten me ranting, I believe you set up the Potters and Longbottoms to be given to Tom Riddle for your sick games!

We have evidence that your so-called spy is directly responsible for the deaths of the Bones, the Dearborns, the Fenwicks, the McKinnons, the Meadows, the Potters, the Prewitts, and the attack on Frank and Alice. Yes, your 'spy', your trusted man, your advisor is responsible for the decimation of your organization. Even now I want to vomit from the thought of all the evil he has done. He was an inner-circle member of the Death Eaters. They can't lie to Tom Riddle. They have no Occlumency with Tom Riddle. They can't get past truth serum with Tom Riddle. Their marks are those of slaves. They follow orders, period. Snivvilus has been a dark wizard since he was 8. His first theft at 8. First assault at 9. First binding at 10. Arson at 10, summoned a low level demon at 11, rape at 12, murder at 15. He was never good. Never light. Never a spy. And it is your fault Albus Dumbledore!

Do you still believe you're a light wizard? Leader of the Light? A Light Lord? You Albus Dumbledore have done more evil than Grindewald, Riddle, or Snape could ever be accused of. You allowed your lover to become powerful and start the Muggle War, and refused to fight him until he was on your doorstep. You refused to help Riddle get out of the orphanage that turned him dark. You refused to allow deadly force upon the death eaters. You allowed bigotry, discrimination, and hate to become law and run rampant in your school and ministry. You refused to imprison marked murderers. You allowed Snape to do all the vile things he did. And you, sir, did one thing worse than any other.

After not one, not two, but three dark wizards you refused to help, change, or stop, you created a fourth. Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter is forever broken. As a result of you forcing situation after situation upon him, he became disenchanted, began using dark spells, potions and rituals. At 11:38 last night, he summoned a level 6 demon. In exchange for the 8 parts of Tom Riddles soul, your soul, Snapes soul, a dozen others, and the magic surrounding Hogwarts, he became the ruler of the world. With hardly a though, he can vaporize the world. And that is why we are here today, why every human, magical or not, every sentient being, magical or otherwise is being sent this speech of mine. Because you, Albus Dumbledore, and you Severus Snape, and you Tom Riddle, are responsible for this. And upon our deaths, we all know who to blame.

*earth vaporized, everyone dies in like 2 minutes*


	9. 8 Magic Math Majors Minor Miscalculation

Original Idea: "HHR time travel. Harry is tasked with doing the math on a time travel spell that is supposed to take them back in time a few hours, much like a time turner would. It was going to be used to double their forces at the 'final battle' with Voldemort. Double from just Harry and Hermione to Harry, Hermione, Harry, and Hermione. It was a bad future. Anyway, Harry screws it up, and they wind up back in fourth year, disrupting quite a few other things along the timeline, first noticed when Neville and Ginny help them immensely, but also when the third task is totally different. This is probably my best work out of all of my half done WIPs.

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"A Magical Math Major's Minor Miscalculation"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-oof"

A soft ball flew in like cannon shot and ceased the horrible screaming. Seconds later the silence was once again broken by a loud thump and then the sounds of someone getting sick.

"Harry? What's going on? You alright?" The voice that broke through the early morning light was that of a very tired and very scared Neville Longbottom.

He had woken to the noise of what surely could be no less than a violent murder coming from the bed next to him. The boy's wand was in his shaking hand, ready to do battle with his neighbor's attacker. Standing in a surprisingly precise dueling formation, he made quick work of determining there to be no threat.

Looking across the sea of red and gold, the only people he could see were his roommates. The closest had rolled off his bed and was still ill on the floor. Further along was a bed with a roughly 14-year-old-boy-shaped lump underneath the blankets. Its missing pillow gave evidence to how the screaming had stopped. The last two fourth years were both still half under their covers and staring through curtains towards the noise and mess occurring on the other side of their dorm.

The confused but otherwise unharmed and disinterested faces of Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnagan, the lump that could only be Ron Weasley, and the fifth member of Gryffindor sitting and panting against his bed's base sent a chill down Neville's back. It was a slight twinge passing along dread and fear that could only mean one thing: his second worst nightmare was already coming into reality. He was going to have another Harry Potter adventure.

True, Neville hadn't really been harmed by any of Harry's yearly soirees into whatever unholy terror he'd gotten himself caught up in-that was typically Ron's job-but Neville could sense his luck had run out. As fast as his heart was racing, his mind was running several times faster and he recalled the thoughts that kept him up all night.

* * *

Neville knew he was relegated to a background character to most of Harry's quests, having been a party to Harry's detention in first year as well as attempting to stop the Golden Trio when they went after Quirrell, the person who informed the teachers that Ginny was missing in second, secretly a witness to the Flight of Sirius last year, and this year had helped out Harry where he could. However, this time, Ron wasn't truly Harry's best friend and co-conspirator any more. The red headed boy had left the Golden Trio over the Boy-Who-Lived's glorious derailment of the TriWizard Tournament, and again over the third member's supposed treachery during the Yule Ball, and a third time just two days ago when the Fourth Champion revealed that he had determined Hermione to be 'the thing he would sorely miss' and tried to return with her first during the second task.

The last Potter was far more forgiving and understanding than he had any right to be, but that fight was too much. When Neville had heard of their battle from Parvati and Lavender, he told them that it was grounds for an honor duel at the least, if not an all-out blood feud. The Longbottom heir certainly would not have accepted insults towards family and friend with just a parting of the ways and a bit of magic. Not that he had ever really faced the issue either, though. Malfoy had tried it once, and his Grandmother had taken care of it quite well. A simple letter from Augusta Longbottom stating that the Most Ancient and Noble House of Longbottom had 13 Blood Members and the two Blood Members of House Malfoy had better maintain decorum now that they did not have a powerful and dark master to fight their battles, and Draco hadn't even looked Neville since. Of course, it wasn't quite a 'simple' letter, as a finely worded and intricately insulting masterpiece of a near-declaration of war. The ponce Lucius, for all his words and gold-tossing, all but tucked tail and belly crawled away.

Neville spent all of yesterday thinking about the fight and about Harry Potter in general. The Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter had only one Blood Member left, and said Scion Potter was only a kid. A rather magically powerful and incredibly famous kid, but a kid nonetheless. Neville knew that Harry couldn't possibly carry out a blood feud with the Weasleys, and not just because he wasn't physically capable.

Harry was actually rather friendly-if not entirely friends-with most Ron's immediate family. The twins had always supported Harry for his own accomplishments and not the Boy-Who-Lived image. When he spoke of Bill and Charlie, Harry mentioned that they were great down-to-earth guys who spoke to him as a slightly younger brother, not as a famous wizard or a child. Arthur was much the same: a father figure that garnered Harry's respect by treating him as a human being and not a storybook character. Percy, while uppity and too concerned with rules and not the motives behind them, was certainly not a terrible person, and treated Harry as he would any other student several years his junior.

Even Ginny was coming around. Neville didn't know the precise details, but then again, nobody would find out the whole story for several years. Following the enslavement and aborted absorption of Ginny's life force by Tom Marvolo Riddle's first horcrux, she spent a month being treated for 'dark possession' in St. Mungos. Following that, several evenings a month, including during school, were spent with half a dozen mind healers. That went on until just this January. They had finally determined that almost everything left in her by the 'possession' was gone, and there was nothing left that would affect her negatively.

During her various visits, which were effectively magic-assisted psychological treatments, she revealed her obsession with the Boy-Who-Lived. Luckily her healers were able to recognize that Harry Potter was not that fictional character, and over the 18 month treatment, she was cured of her belief.

What Neville saw was that Ginny was starting to befriend Harry for being Harry, and added her to the reasons that Harry could never have a Blood Fued with the Weasleys. He considered Molly as well, but decided that Harry hadn't mentioned anything about her, which usually meant he had nothing really good to say, and wisely didn't talk about it, so that was a possible negative against the red hoard. Unfortunately for Harry, there are also more Weasleys than just Arthur's eight. Given the propensity for Weasley baby-factories, the main line of the Ancient House of Weasley was roughly 42 of age members, with a couple dozen children, and Arthur was something like ninth from the Head.

So, Neville concluded, Harry couldn't call a Blood Feud for though he was certainly the wronged party and legally could, he would lose. By a lot. And regardless of the Weasleys being light-oriented and progressive, by calling a Blood Feud, it would be all of them, or Harry and probably a significant number of them anyway. Harry wouldn't spill the blood of innocents over words, even vile and disgusting as they were.

But why, then, couldn't Harry call for an honor duel? He was certainly angry enough to hex and curse the red head, and it took Madam Pomfrey until well after dinner the previous night to sort him out. Neville had chuckled merrily at that. It was a punishment worse than death for Ron "Bottomless Pit" Weasley to miss five whole meals after their Friday morning battle. It is not, however, a punishment that would match the reparations that Neville would wager on an Honor Duel.

As the Weasley were a large family, their net worth was more diluted than others. Ron had barely half a galleon to his name, and the rest of his family lived healthily but efficiently and rarely could afford wants. Harry and Neville both had family money so gold wouldn't do regardless. Neville considered forcing Ron to leave school permanently. On its own, that would only put a barely half-trained and bigoted wizard out into the world. Never a good thing, so that was out too. He also thought of having the boy expelled from the British Isles themselves, but that too presented problems. He supposed that he could kill the boy, but that's a bit too close to assassination of the weaker boy. Then Neville had what he called his 'Slytherin' moment.

As punishment for the hypothetical transgressions against House Longbottom-with all the proper honorifics and legal speech of course-Ron Weasley would never again pick up a magical broom, participate in, or watch Quidditch. Had he been a dark wizard there surely would have been lightning and a drawn out evil laugh, and had Ron not been potioned asleep in the Hospital wing, he would have felt the panicked shiver rush down his back.

After celebrating his devious thoughts with an extra slice pie at dinner, he returned to considering why exactly the duel hadn't taken place. Harry had to know he could defeat Ron one-on-one, and probably against any second that would volunteer to defend the bastard as well. Given that Dumbledore himself would likely take Harry's second-in order to protect the up-and-coming Leader of the Light no doubt-and if not there were would be lines, or worse, duels, to get that honor, Harry wouldn't lose.

It took him until late that night to have another moment of clarity. He finally put all the pieces of Harry's back story together, gave a disgusted snort and called this channeling his 'Ravenclaw'. All at once, every image of Harry came together and spoke to him: Harry's shabby clothes, the scars on his back, his rather emotionless nature, his hidden home life, his small, emaciated stature, his acceptance of abuse from Snape and Malfoy… Neville was shocked and appalled as he came to the conclusion that not only was Harry abused, he was woefully under-informed, if not outright lied to. The shy Gryffindor was glad that Harry was not an arrogant rich boy like Draco, but the cost of not even being aware of his heritage, duties, and magical society was far too great.

Early into Sunday, still awake a bed over from the subject of his thoughts, Neville considered who was responsible for Harry's current problems. No one deserved to be in the state he was in. Famous for the death of his parents, the subject of fiction, abused by supposed family, uninformed of the magical world, forced to be the play thing of others, if not Fate herself, and now, coming off his second brush with death, is facing his third life-threatening adventure in just a few weeks, usually the one where someone nearly gets killed. Ron, Ginny, and Sirius all nearly lost their lives in the past three years due to the unforeseen end of year exploits. With them now knowing the date, what's to stop someone from getting killed?

Neville didn't focus too much on that. He knew it would wind up being one of the champions, but their probable impending doom was less important than figuring out who the puppeteer was and cutting Harry's strings. For several hours, he worked through scenario after scenario, fact by fact, until a thought of Ron's only skill made him imagine a giant chessboard. With that image in mind, he sorted Harry's life. While he did mistakenly designate some unwilling pawns as knights and bishops, and one hidden enemy as a friendly piece, Neville did, after careful analysis, uncover the King: Dumbledore.

Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Leader of the Light, Defeater of Grindewald, The Only Wizard You-Know-Who Feared, Mentor of the Boy-Who-Lived.

Master manipulator. Evil bastard that let an orphan be abused. Likely blood supremacist that allows bigotry and discrimination, even if he preaches that it should be done without violence. Respected, revered, and held as the highest standard the world over. His word was law and both gave multiple second chances to Evil and Dark killers. Neville realized his word was never Good, and is not a representative of the Light.

Instantly the poor Gryffindor broke out in a cold sweat and shook with fear. If he, a 14 year old near-squib, could realize that Dumbledore was not what he projected himself to be, why hasn't anyone else? Are they too afraid to say it? Has Dumbledore done something to them?

That last thought terrified him more than any other. If no one else has done it, how could he alone stand up to Albus Too-Many-Bloody-Names-and-Titles Dumbledore? Neville thought that maybe Voldemort became a terrorist to stand up to the Headmaster. He immediately tore up that line of thought. Voldemort was an evil and *dark* criminal psychopath and regardless of whether he was doing it to stand up to Dumbledore or because Merlin himself told him to, what he was doing was wrong. Violence in the name of blood supremacy as a way to thumb his nose at Dumbledore was out of the question. Even if it killed him, Neville decided, he would be a martyr before resorting to the dark to defeat Dumbledore.

No, Neville would never do as much as kill an innocent. Put down a rabid beast such as one of the Lestranges perhaps, and if he got the chance, battle to the last drop of blood with Voldemort himself, but no outright murder and pillage. Pillaging was beneath his status as Heir Longbottom.

Anyway, what in the name of Merlin could he possibly do in this situation? A Gryffindor would fight with a sword and wand, a Ravenclaw would fight with the law and books, and a Slytherin would fight with his money and blackmail. He was in something somewhere deep in between hippogriff and dragon shit. Probably on the worse end of that, too. Dumbledore wouldn't even bother sweating while wiping the floor with his student, literally wrote most of the laws in the latter half of the 20th century plus has three of the top political posts in Great Britain and a very short leash on the fourth, and controls a significant fortune on top of the biggest voting block by virtue of his reputation and the rest by the dirt he has on them.

Well, Neville considered, the demented spawn of Death Eaters did always call him a duffer, and Harry could certainly use a friend, why not try going all Hufflepuff on the HeadBastard!

'Oh god I'm so dead. Doomed.'"Doo-urk" Neville realized he'd moaned out loud and cut himself off with a squeak.

Despite nearly waking his roommates several more times with accidently verbalized complaints, the shy boy spent a few more hours poring over his predicament. In the end, he decided three things. First, he's damn lucky he's not the Boy-Who-Lived and would probably take a second thought on wishing it on anyone short of Bellatrix Lestrange. Second, he hoped he could get away with not being directly involved with getting rid of Dumbledore. Third, he would stand with Harry. Period.

With that final thought, dreams of the Founders, and a hint of sun peeking over the Scottish Highlands, Neville rolled over and drifted to sleep.

* * *

Only to find himself on his feet scanning for doom forty five seconds later.

He straightened and looked down at the disturbingly corpse like figure that sat shaking between the two beds. Something deep inside his core twinged. He knew he was dead in the thick of it and his magic responded to the silent pledge of everything he had to see Harry through.

Feeling far less tired than he should have, Neville began his journey without much fanfare. A double shot of Scourgify, an air freshening charm, a silent summoning charm, and a bit of Augamenti later, Neville sat beside Harry and handed him a cup of water.

Harry grunted in thanks and sipped from the vessel. Attempted to sip anyway, most of it found its way down his shaking hands and shuddering torso. "Thanks Neville," he whispered, "Mind hitting me with a tempus, I'm beyond disoriented right now."

"Tempus" The spell flashed a few runes and Harry cocked his head sideways for a second, deriving the local time from the astronomical data displayed above Neville's wand.

"I've got nothing," murmured the still lightly shaking wizard "what's the date and time?"

"Well, it's still Sunday, Second March, 1994, and it is now 7:53am," Neville stated primly "and I'm sure you have a perfectly normal reason for not knowing the date." Harry looked sideways, rolling his eyes at Neville who smirked and continued "I do need to talk to you before you go off on your end of year battle, which, might I add, you're a few months early on that one. I'm not sure how this is going to play out, but when you're ready I'll be your number three. Want to find Hermione and-"

Harry's eyes went wide and he yelled out "HERMIONE!" The frantic boy jumped up, grabbed his wand and bolted out the dorm door.

"-get the hell out of here but I guess that answers that question."

He stood and followed the fading footsteps down to the common room. At the bottom, he found Harry sprawled out at the bottom of the slide that led to the girl's dormitory.

Neville leaned up against the door frame and grinned at the prone boy. "Sexist anti-rape countermeasures. You got four minutes and thirty seconds before McGonnagall gets here." He reached a hand down to help him up. "How do you wanna do this?"

Harry gave a bewildered look up at the young man towering above him. He was clearly still delirious from what woke him this morning. Neville never, ever joked like that. Harry could see Neville looked at least as bad as he felt, so maybe that combined to form some hallucination? Harry shook his head, grasped Neville's hand, and rose to his feet. He ran through a quick list of messaging spells, climbing and lifting charms, some transfiguration reversal, and a few other more esoteric ideas, trying to figure out how to find Hermione and make sure she was alright.

In a split second, he decided and "ACCIO HERMIONE!" was yelled up the stairs.

"Score one for desperate ingenuity I guess. Positives: She'll be here in about 5 seconds." He paused and considered not going on, but then that feeling passed. "Negatives: if she was injured or otherwise restrained, that might have killed her, and who knows how dressed she is. Oh, three-forty on Mc-G, and also incoming."

If it were possible, Harry would have paled further.

* * *

Unfortunately for Hermione, the events from the Fourth Year Boys Dorm were paralleling themselves in the Third Year Girls dorm.

A pleasantly unpossessed red head woke in the wee hours of the morning to a dire emergency. Her eyes flew wide open as her brain dispelled her dream of a ship on open sea and processed a tsunami of information. One hand clutched at the pressure in her stomach while the other searched under her pillow for her wand. A pair of tears, formed by pain and fear, began to descend her cheeks as she became positive she would never make it. She attempted to listen for the rest of the rooms occupants but her legs drowned them out in their loud attempt to break free from the bed that would surely be her doom. When she was finally able to gracelessly flow through the four-poster's curtains, she began running to the nearest door. She sent two spells over her shoulder and then fairly dove in to the next room, and quickly shut the door.

Five minutes later Ginny Weasley stepped out of the bathroom with a sigh of relief and a mental reminder to not drink water so late again. Well, more like a reminder to listen to Hermione's advice next time, for the older girl had insisted she would have this exact problem, yet Ginny ignored her warning at least a dozen times.

'Leave it to the bushy one to be right as always.' She thought, 'Besides, it was Hermione's fault we were up so late anyway. Oh well, I probably should apologize to-'

An acid green and fluorescent blue flash interrupted the teen's thoughts and half-blinded her. When finally was able to focus on the source of the light show, what she saw terrified her above and beyond comparison. Basilisks, Dementors, and Dragons couldn't hold a candle to the sight. Highlighted by gold glowing from the eyes and mouth of a pain filled grimace, Ginny saw the form her best friend spread eagle and writhing in what could only be intense pain.

"Hermione!" She hardly even spoke the name as it got stuck in her throat. Though the young Gryffindor's voice had packed up and left, her feet responded admirably and swiftly guided her to the side of the older girl. Her wand also flawlessly acknowledged the immediate need to help Hermione in any way possible and Ginny instantly undid the shutting and silencing spells on the curtain. The resulting noise startled her for only a moment before a different one-way ward surrounded the bed.

The half second of screaming was not enough to wake the others in the Third Year Dorm, but inside the ward, Ginny let by a passing thankfulness at having just used the bathroom because she was sure the awful screaming would have obliterated her bladder control. Not even Mad-Eye Moody's lesson on the Unforgivables could have prepared her for the sound she instantly associated with a Cruciatus curse. The red head was frozen to the spot in heart-stopping terror, staring at the horror before her.

Suddenly, the brunette went from shaking and screaming to squeezing the bed with white knuckles and desperately gasping for air. The change in status shook Ginny and she realized she hadn't helped at all and still didn't know what to do. She could tell Hermione's heart was beating rapidly, she was breathing, and didn't look like she'd been attacked, but clearly had something wrong. Thinking of her own experiences, she figured it could be a bad dream, so she jumped on to the bed to attempt to wake the still panting fourth year.

No one would ever figure out if it was a cause or extraordinarily inconvenient timing but the instant Ginny touched Hermione her physical status changed again. She let out another scream, this one of impending disaster rather than pain, and shot upwards. As she rapidly sat up, the force of her ascent ejected the smaller and much lighter red head through the curtains at the foot of the bed and over the trunk below. Ginny landed on both feet but the motion flipped her arse over tea kettle and she ended in heap on the floor.

Back on the bed, Hermione snatched her wand from the night stand and conjured herself a bucket not even a second before unknowingly mirroring Harry's wake-up.

Ginny was utterly confused at how she wound up a solid 10 feet from where she first knelt over Hermione. A quick self-diagnostic showed no pain, no concussion, and no other explanation so she dismissed her question in favor of returning to Hermione's side. Opting to stand beside the bed this time, she gathered the brunette's wavy locks away from her face and the bucket while comforting her and emptying the bucket with a swish of her wand.

Ginny conjured a glass and some water and handed it to Hermione, who was slowly bringing her violent heaving under control. With on last cough, Hermione vanished the entire bucket. Ginny slid half her body back on to the bed and wrapped one arm around the older girl, who leaned back into her. "Y—you alright?" her voice was broken by a tremble.

Hermione stiffened for a second, then drained the last of her water and threw it away from her, yelling "Bloody Harry Potter and his bloody Arithmancy!" This time Ginny got off the bed on her own, as she was terribly confused and again pretty scared: Hermione doesn't curse, and definitely doesn't curse about Harry Potter and classes. But Hermione was just getting started.

"I am going to beat the hell out of that man! That bloody hurt at least 10 times more than he said, which means he did it wrong! Again! The next time I suggest letting Harry Buggering James Bloody Potter do math, slap me and remind me of this night!" Ginny could see that Hermione was going to continue ranting, and as she had no idea what said rant was about, she had to stop it before it got away from her. She firmly grasped the older girls shoulders and shouted her name.

That worked wonders. Hermione did indeed stop speaking, and turned towards her housemate for a second before crying out again.

"Ginny! Oh my god did I hurt you when you went off the bed? Oh my I'm so sorry I was-" Hermione was stopped again, this time by a strong hug.

"It's okay! I'm fine," Ginny said from somewhere beneath Hermione's bushy mane "I wasn't hurt at all and I'm far more worried about you. What happened? And what in the world are you talking about with Harry and Math?"

Hermione released the hug and began sputtering an answer. "I- Harry- that is, we- Um" Her face was a mixture of emotions. "I think," she stood up "we need Harry, right now." And she began walking to the exit. Ginny knew she probably should have expected this, and likely would have gotten him herself regardless. Still, she had one slight problem to correct.

"Hermione, wait." The fourth year stopped and turned around. "Shirt, shorts, and robe." As she mentioned each item, they were flipped from the trunk to Hermione's hands. She blushed a bit, embarrassed that she nearly left the dorm in her night wear. When she finished dressing, she walked back to Ginny and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you Ginny. For that and for earlier. For helping me out, ya know. You're such a great—WOOOOaaaahhh!"

The girls clung to each other for dear life and flew towards the door. Ginny saw the door coming and shrieked. The noise finally roused the other residents, who caught a glimpse of a bundle of limbs and hair flash through the door. All of them were entirely confused, but most of them shrugged and went back to sleep, figuring the Twins Weasley were up to something, and Angelina and Katie would sort them out later.

Meanwhile, the two girls were surprised to find themselves in the stairwell—er make that slide, and moving down it quickly. They had spun slightly and both girls were facing down the stairs, still confused by what had grabbed them. When they reached the bottom, they saw the rapidly approaching obstacle at the same time and screamed.

* * *

"Also, incoming"

If Harry had gone any paler, he would have been the newest Gryffindor ghost. He had looked up and saw what was decidedly not just a Hermione coming at him far faster than was necessary. He only hesitated a moment but by the time they started screaming, he was already too late. Unable to cancel his summoning spell, he was bowled over by the two ladies and the three of them went flying into the common room seats. A couch, a chair, and two end tables were poor, innocent victims of the rampaging Gryffindors.

The tangled trio began extracting themselves as Neville calmly walked over with a quiet clap. When he reached them, he grinned at Harry and said "Bravo! A two for one special! Excellent show good sir. Afraid I will have to take a few points for the dreadful landing and assaulting the furniture."

Harry allowed a small laugh but Hermione and Ginny both just gaped. Any other day Ginny would have found it down right hilarious, but this Sunday just wasn't turning out to be a good one. First Hermione throws an unscheduled light show, then Harry summons them out of their dorm, and now Neville is being confident and funny. It was quite understandable then that despite having dozens of questions to pick from, she half-squeaked "What."

* * *

A blue flash, a green mist, a cold gust of wind. Its duty taken up by another, a pale blue ball disappeared into the ether from which it came.


	10. 9 SILENCE! Harry Potter has the Floor

Original Idea: "I don't remember. It's late and I haven't read through it again yet. Someone remind me to do so at some point, and I'll let you know."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"SILENCE!"

The entire hall followed the order.

"Mr Dumbledore, are you, or are you not the leader and protector of this school?"

Said Headmaster could only nod through the magically held stillness.

"Mr Dumbledore, is it stated, in the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Founding Charter, the Ministry of Magic Treaty of Separation with the Kingdom of England and the British Isles, the Working Constitution of the International Confederation of Wizards, that all magical humans are to be given the opportunity to study and control their innate magical ability as equals?"

Again, a nod.

"Mr Dumbledore, when you and your staff became teachers here, did you or did you not sign contracts and agreements to uphold the laws and charters of the three aforementioned organizations?"

A third, more hesitant nod.

"In those laws, is it not written that spouting bigotry, hatred, insulting ones parentage, not to mention speaking ill of not only the dead but deceased war heroes, as well as magical, physical, and political attacks are grounds for honor duels and blood fueds?"

The old man was paralyzed.

"In those laws, regardless of tacit disapproval, strategic ignorance, bribery, or otherwise blatant disregard, is it anywhere stated that anyone, be they child or adult, is allowed to insult, demean, and attack a magical being for their heritage or upbringing?"

"In those laws, is there not a provision that protects those who wield power to protect them and the contracts enforcing them, such that they will be shielded from corrupt bodies that wish to so-called-"legally" imprison or impoverish such champions?"

"Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Order of Merlin First Class, Leader of the Light, Defeater of Grindewald, The Only Wizard You-Know-Who Feared, Mentor of the Boy-Who-Lived, Defender of Muggle Rights and Lover of Magical Beings of All Creeds. You are the one man that is not only bound by these contracts and laws as a citizen, but the magically bound leader of those bodies.

"Why, the actual fuck, are you sitting there on your old lazy ass with your ridiculous eye a twinkle, while this disgusting, bigoted, petulant and petty filth raises his voice and his wand against those laws? Why have you done nothing to abate the hatred in this world? Even if the so called defeat of Grindewald was not you stabbing the back of your former lover after 50 years of ignoring the problem you helped create, even if you could truly do nothing to help the poor half blood Tom Riddle get away from his abusive orphanage, even if you could truly do nothing to use the organizations you led to eliminate the pure-blood ideology and force an end to the First Blood War, even if the moral, proper, and legal course of action was to stick another half blood orphan in another abusive situation, and even if you could do nothing still to lessen the rampant bigotry or try to discover and remove the means by which Lord Voldemort remained immortal, you could have stopped this here today."

"For those of you that are currently lost, and since now the ministry has finally deigned to show its ugly face, except Amelia of course, let me invite some friends of mine to join us. Ragnok, director of Gringotts of Great Britain. Firenze, leader of the Scottish Centaurs. Dobby, representative of the House Elves of Great Britain. Sir Hagrid, Madam Maxime, and Grawp, representative of the Giant Tribes of the English Isles. And above us, my dear friend Norberta, who graciously thanks Sir Hagrid for her small beginnings, who was chosen by us to represent all of the European dragons. Since Norberta speaks only Parsletounge, Ragnok prefers gobbledygook, and Grawp has somehow learned French, there is already a translation spell in place, so those of us who do not prefer English will already be hearing in their language. This also goes for those listening on the International Wizarding Wireless, who is also receiving this speech."

"Allow me to begin."

"Albus Dumbledore. Your names and titles, earned or not, are as many as your deeds and known around the world. However, what the world does not know, is that you share something in common with Gilderoy Lockhart. No, it is not that you like to be a hero, or that you have a great smile, or even that you have a popular name. What you share is a disturbing history of the use of the Obliviation spell, and hoard secrets like the Merfolk hoard shells. It could be said that it is a product of your raising, after all you chose your first secret when you were just six.

"Your sister, Ariana Elise Dumbledore, was born August Second, 1869. She had what is now known as Down Syndrome, a genetic disease that causes mental retardation, and, thankfully, is now treatable in vitro in the magical world as of the late 1970s. However, one hundred years before that, mental retardation was often treated with pity killings, or at least what some sick bastards thought was pity: drowning, suffocation, beheading, poisoning. All used to eliminate unwanted 'burdens'. But not Kendra Dumbledore. She was pure of heart and could not do that to any baby, let alone her own.

"Kendra devoted her life to that baby. No, she did not neglect her two boys, nor did she make them feel unloved or unworthy. But she did quit her job and her marriage became a loveless farce. Thus Albus Dumbledore, on the day his mentally challenged sibling showed up in his living room at age six, decided he did not have a sister. That was his first secret. He has not spoken her name in almost 115 years.

"His second secret was a direct result of his first. When Down's Syndrome is present in magical babies, it has one surprising side-effect. Rather than being unpredictable, their magic is well controlled, if generally unusable. Children with Down's will not cause destruction or disruption of a home, but will instead use their magic to help themselves in times of dire need. Unfortunately, Ariana was not given that chance. On the day Albus returned home from his second year at Hogwarts, nobody was waiting at platform 9¾. His mother was taking care of little Ariana, and his father was blind drunk somewhere in Wales.

"In the days before the Floo, Albus decided he was too proud to request an apparition home from a friendly neighbor, and instead flew his broom for six hours, all the while cursing the names of his family. His welcome was a crying sister and an apologetic mother. She had been waiting on the muggle side of King's Cross, and Albus never bothered to check.

"That didn't lessen his anger though, and two days later, he took his revenge. Ariana had wanted nothing more than to play ball with her older brother. Instead, he lashed out and attempted to blast the ball, but instead hit the little girl. Not knowing what else to do, good ol' Albus carried her broken frame into the house screaming about muggles attacking the little girl.

"

"Everyone shut the fuck up! You can call this a tantrum if you want but for the next ten minutes there will silence and zero magic in this hall from any of you! During that time, all of you will sit there, look at me, and use the two holes on either side of your thick heads and the tiny pieces of meat in between them, got it?

You want to know how to turn a good man dark? Take everything he loves and destroy it. Take every request he makes and ignore it. Take every wish he has and defy it. Destroy his loves, his hobbies, his peace of mind.

You all are doing that to me. With every stare, with every snide comment, with every disgusting rumor, with every attack on me and my friends, you are actively encouraging me to move towards your deaths. I do not say this lightly either. I'm a forgiving person, a loving person, a caring person. I do not like seeing people hurt.

You want to know, though, what I loathe? Seeing people hurt because of me. It makes me cherish seeing people hurt BY me. At fifteen months, my parents were murdered. My mother struck down while using her body to shield me and pleading for exchanging my life for hers. I lived knowing I could someday create a family. At four years, children who spoke to me began to be assaulted by my guardians and their child. I lived, knowing I could someday find true friends. At six, I was told in no uncertain words, that should I do better in school than that child, I was to be beaten severely and left unfed. I lived knowing I could someday find great troves of knowledge. At eleven, I learned I was a wizard, and believed I was going to have a normal life and normal friends. At eleven years and nine hours, I learned that my parents' sacrifice made three-fourths of the wizarding world stare, shout, cry, and reach for me. The other fourth wouldn't so much as piss on my robes. I lived, knowing I could someday find peace. At twelve, I learned that rumors held more power than truth, and that all you children would hate me as one unit at the drop of a hat. I lived, knowing I could live away from the sheep. At fourteen I realized that nobody was safe to associate with me. Rumors and attacks on them would never cease. I have nothing left to live for, but revenge.

Since I was one, I desired family. That was taken from me. Since I was four, I desired friends. That was taken from me, all but one. At six, I desired knowledge and understanding. That was taken from me. At eleven, I desired peace, privacy, normalcy. I never had that to be taken. At fourteen, I desired love, protection, and life. Every one of you have made it your mission to deny me every single thing I have ever wanted. To burn all my hopes and dreams. To replace love and understanding with violence and vengeance. In the muggle world, there is a saying something like, there is nothing worse than a man with nothing to lose.

Hermione Jane Granger is my everything. She is my promise of friendship, my never-ending library of knowledge, my closest confidant, my protector, and recently, my lover. Without her I have nothing.

If I had lost her today, and there is a chance that I could still, so I make no promises to not act out these words, I would have been your worst nightmare. I would have nothing to lose, nothing to regain, nothing left but pure black evil darkness and promise of revenge, and the mind and magic to fuel it. I can think of four names out of the twelve hundred in this room that would be spared. The rest of you would be torn limb from limb. These halls painted in your blood, furnished by your bones, and forever haunted by your disembodied souls. You have driven me to this point. At the edge of darkness, there is one hand holding on, and you may well have severed it.

I would drown magical Britain in the blood of your families, the ministry, the papers. I would burn this school, this land, the entire country to be satisfied that every action taken against me was repaid in full. I have accepted torture and loss at the hands of an evil wizard for you all and because of you all. All I ever wanted is to be a normal nameless boy in a peaceful world.

Henceforth, when I use the second person, I am referring to every being, magical or otherwise, that can hear my voice and feel my magic.

"I swear upon my body, my magic, my mind, my life, and my eternal soul, that any perceived insult or injury to myself, Hermione Granger, or anyone else I name a friend, that is instigated by you or your orders, will be met with painful, not always swift, but assured, death for all involved. I swear this vow to guide my body, my magic, my mind, my life, and my eternal soul to carry out its words for as long as I deem it necessary, which will be no less than ten years. So I say it, so mote it be."

Act at your own peril forever more.

At this moment, there is, lucky you, only one insult that must be rectified immediately and without prejudice. For instigating and carrying out the assault, attempted murder, and attempted rape of Hermione Granger, I call upon my magic to summon to this great hall of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Pansy Parkison, Lucius Malfoy, and Severus Snape.

I shall speak directly to you six vile pieces of shit. You meticulously planned and carried out the attack on Miss Granger. Your crime has gone unpunished. This lack of justice is an insult to me and my friends. As my vow dictates, your punishment will be painful as you live out every moment of physical and emotional hurt you have wrought throughout your twisted little lives.

- ten minutes of screaming -

For the uninitiated, all six have relived their crimes against man, creature, beast, and nature. They were left sane enough only to look in my eyes, and recognize them as their killer. REDUCTO!

Don't bother informing the DMLE that I took out their trash, Madame Bones, a *dear friend* of mine, was well informed of the deaths that would take place here today, and gave me a temporary auror badge. On top of that, given that I'm underage, I can't legally be held responsible for the result of magical vows. Don't you just love lawyers?

Leave me and mine in peace, I won't leave you and yours in pieces. Good day.

Oh, and someone might want to let the fourth years and up know about the thestrals. In a moment of undue compassion, I protected the youngers from actually witnessing the death, so it shouldn't be a problem for them. That doesn't mean I won't ignore direct insults and attacks from children.

I shall now retire to the Medical Wing. If the castle is suddenly immolated, you might want to consider running.


	11. 10 Gunslinger (outline)

Original Idea: "Yes, Avenged Sevenfold's Gunslinger was playing in the background when this came to me. It's an outline mostly, so a summary really isn't necessary, is it?"

posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Gunslinger"

-AU 5th year, Harry is convicted of misuse of magic and implicated in the deaths of Dudley Dursley and Arabella Figg.

-Dumbledore "tries to help" but can't do anything and winds up being declared a criminal as well.

-Hogwarts is kept open by the purebloods and it becomes near-open warfare on all non-purebloods.

-Ginny and Ron, who felt entitled to Harry and Hermione, switch sides.

-Harry "has his magic bound, obliviated of all knowledge of magic, and left in the muggle world" His last words were for Hermione "Tell her… tell her I loved her, always will love her no matter what. I'll come home to her someday."

-Hermione, horrified at what her world has become, begs her family to move to Australia. She is declared wanted as well when Aurors attempt to arrest her for not registering as a non-pureblood. Her father and three Aurors are killed, and she is injured. They escape the country.

-Harry was left in an orphanage (It is implied that this is the same one Tom Riddle was at). Without any schooling for the past five years, and reports of misbehavior from the years before that, he's put in a boot-camp like home where he proves himself to be a hard worker, strong physically and mentally, honest, trustworthy, and brave to the point of recklessness.

-Hermione joins a school in Australia, where she becomes obsessed with battle magic and mind magics, always thinking about how she has to help Harry, no matter what.

-Years go by. Magical Britain is controlled by Voldemort, as he now knows only Harry can kill him. Non-purebloods are kept as toys. Muggle hunting is legalized and hundreds are captured, tortured, and killed each year. The ICW blocks off Britain from the rest of the magical world, while some countries make attempts to shepherd recent mundaneborns and refugees out of the country. Countries with magical governments that are more closely integrated with their mundane side use that avenue to provide some protection for the mundanes.

-Harry, by age 22, is a decorated Corporal, second in command of a highly trained special forces squad. He has nothing but the job, and does it well. Advanced weapons, infiltration, counter-intelligence, and killing things: he is arguably the top soldier in the military, despite having as little as a fourth of the experience of his squad. He has been fighting under various British Agencies in foreign countries since 1998.

-Hermione, now 23, is a Master Battle Mage. She is frequently, to her horror, compared to Dumbledore, who hasn't been seen since 1996. She fights her way through Dark Wizards as easily as dueling circuits and is loaned to the ICW to fight international threats.

-Harry, after a particularly tough and deadly mission, has a heart to heart with his CO, and talks about how he gets a sense of something missing from his life, like he isn't really who he believes himself to be. He also discusses his reluctance to follow some increasingly erratic orders and isn't sure what he'd do if told to fight the unrest in Britain. He doesn't enjoy killing but understands it's necessary to fight the rights of the people, yet in this last battle, he's pretty sure they killed innocent people for the wrong reasons, for the benefit of a few government officials and not for moral or lawful causes. "I don't want to be a mercenary for hire. I don't want to be the enforcer of some evil lord. My skills make me a soldier, but I can't ignore the politics of what we do."

-Hermione finds herself in Egypt tracing a shipment of dark devices supposedly heading for Britain. She discovers that a group of wizards are working with a mundane terrorist group to build an enhanced nuclear device to be exploded in Berlin at an ICW meeting later that year. Being mundane born and highly trained, she understands the threat that represents. It would not only kill literally all of the leaders of the magical world, but it would likely spark the mundane's World War III which would last about 10 minutes as every country launches its own nukes.

-A few days later, Harry is told by his CO "Well, you got your wish. A terrorist group with a nuke targeting Berlin. Pretty damn clear politically clear to me." There orders are to infiltrate a Chinese manufacturing facility that was the probable origin point and discover who bought the device, and what kind it was. They find out that it is a Christian extremist group that is "using it to destroy the demon leaders of the dark plague". Very little is known about these people except that they may have been involved in an attack in Britain in the 70s.

-Hermione has captured and interrogated several of the mundane terrorists and discovered that they have been to at least half a dozen locations throughout the world as basepoints and are unknowingly targeting several wizarding sites and magical governments. The ICW meeting is just going to be the main event. She is able to break through several obliviations to reveal the locations and finds that there is one that not even she can truly locate: it's under Fidelius. Her superiors pass on the information on mundane targets to the UN task force to investigate and shut down, but caution about "advanced energy weapons" and to watch for static and energy spikes.

-Harry's team relocates to Moscow where they await a plane to take them to their next target. They are joined by a Russian team that is somewhat hostile as the USSR had only relatively recently fallen and diplomacy is not going so well. The plane takes them to Siberia where they are investigating an influx of activity believed to be related to the terrorists.

I'm thinking either a chapter per person or book per person. I think actually a book per person would work better. The first would obviously be Harry, starting in the middle of the mission in the Afghan region.

Part 1 The Soldiers

Battle in the Village – Shadow Squad fights an oil-field village

Debriefing – Harry doesn't want to be a henchman or mercenary

New Threats – Terrorist group and a stolen nuke

Snakes and a Plane – Getting to Mongolia and infiltrating the factory

Ghosts from the Past – Harry feels traces of (what we know to be) magic but doesn't understand them. He finds a token with a bird on it and takes it.

Back in the U.S.S.R. – Using information gathered in Mongolia, they had to Russia.

First Down – During an initial stake-out, Harry talks about the odd occurrences of his childhood and witnesses a Russian captured by the enemy.

Second in Command – The CO is severely injured by anti-mundane wards during the attack on their base.

Third and Long – During the third day on the ground in Russia, the oldest member of the squad, Arnold Long sells out the team to the enemies.

Fourth and One – Harry goes in alone only to discover that the previous days' fighting has caused them to start to evacuate. He witnesses an attack by a third group and is captured, only to escape before being interrogated. He sees the phoenix symbol again.

No Answers, Only Orders – Despite his belief that his superiors know something about the second group of fighters, and his mysterious feelings, Harry agrees to continue to the next mission as CO. They head to Paris to regroup with a large French unit and move on a target in Belgium.

Cracking Under Pressure – The mission goes off without a hitch, and they learn the location was purely theoretical research as evidenced by the classrooms, odd mathematical formulas, and inscriptions throughout the place. Since it was not a viable mundane target, the French Unit opts to obliviate the mission from Harry's team. The woman responsible for 'fixing' Harry, flashes him another phoenix token, and stages his escape. During the escape, Harry apparates a few hundred feet to get away.

Part 2 The Traitors

Friend or Foe? – Harry's bugged out and on the run. After a month he meets up with his former CO who tells Harry he's wanted for desertion. Harry tells him about the phoenix coin, and how he's been tailed off and on over the last month.

-The Phoenix: New OotP fighting in Magical and Mundane worlds against Voldy controlled Britain. Neville Longbottom

-The ICW: the Wizarding world realizes Britain has gone to hell and is preparing to retake it from the pureblood bigots. Hermione Granger

-The UN: the mundanes discovered the nuclear threat and are using joint operations to end it. Harry Potter

-Voldy/Britain: the purebloods are terrorizing Britain, killing first gens, mundanes, etc. They are recruiting dark creatures around Europe and preparing to invade the continent by taking over the mundane military. Draco Malfoy

-RedCorp: a multinational conglomeration controlled by a group of a couple hundred mundanes. Ostensibly running various research organizations in dozens of fields with its fingers in every pie so to speak. Its purpose, known only to a few, is to eliminate the separate wizarding world and control magic. Secretly supported by a group of rogue goblins and some sympathetic wizards.

The Phoenix is the only 'pure' group. No spies within its ranks, though it does have members in the next three organizations. Their loyalty is guaranteed to the Phoenix above all else (eventually we'll see that this can be subverted when a Phoenix with a grudge against Harry causes problems). They have been operating in Britain since the late 60s doing their best to combat Voldemort. After he took over Wiz. Britain, they began to join Mundane Britain, the ICW, the UN, and various other organizations throughout Western Europe. About 1000 strong, with less than ¼operating in Britain as protection and mundane-born escorts. The rest have been, since 1995, trying to delicately guide the mundane and magical worlds to take out Voldemort, as well as prevent him from gaining a foothold in Europe. In doing so, they become informed of the nuclear device and believe it to be a ploy by Voldemort so they become involved.

The ICW and the UN are two sides of the same coin: Magical and Mundane international politics and law. Information passes to and from each side when necessary, as both organizations have existed to some extent since the signing of the International Statue of Secrecy in the 17th century. Both have military arms manned by the various member countries and share information between sides. Smuggling is obviously a bigger issue for the WW most of the time as it is often easier, yet this is the first time they've been targeted by a clear mundane threat. They have some information sources coming from the Phoenix (authorized of course), the Death Eaters, mundane Britain, and are scrambling to find information and interrogate the RedCorp faction.

Old Moldy Voldy is the most obvious. He wants to be the supreme ruler of everything, and likely won't stop until he's destroyed the planet. He never got to hear the prophecy as the DoM self-terminated before the Death Eaters could steal their secrets. It is unknown if anything or anyone, for that matter, survived the apparent destruction: the former Ministry is now a sinkhole. The only beings with any 'rights' in Wizarding Britain are purebloods who were neutral or dark since at least the 50s. Families like the Weasleys and Longbottoms were chased out of their homes or outright slaughtered. Muggle hunting, especially 'culling' of mundane borns, is encouraged, hundreds are killed each year. The Phoenix is doing its best but as many as 15,000 magical humans are dead, missing, or known captures, and another 10,000 at least are refugees in other countries. Voldemort still uses the puppet government to put on a show for the ICW, but really nobody is fooled, they just don't want to go to war after the travesty of the previous World War. Like Grindewald, Voldemort is slowly taking over the mundane government and is going to use its military and some strategic false flag attacks to enter Europe. He's using Hogwarts as a stronghold and prison. The goblins are making a show of playing nice, but Voldy's government and the purebloods are already in violation of the nation's treaties, so they are just biding their time until they can empty the vaults and prepare for war. Dark creatures are running rampant: Giants destroying things, werewolves infecting people, dementors roam freely, acromantula moving far outside the forests, humanoids such as hags and vampires kill frequently. Unicorns, faeries, centaurs, hippogriffs, and other light creatures have not been seen in the country since late 1999. About half of the centaur herd survives still in the Sahara Preserve, as they knew they would not be alive if they stayed. The Mundanes believe they are besieged by terrorists and economic depression. Nobody is happy in the country, not even a little bit.


	12. 11 Conflict of Interest

Original Idea: "I wrote this after Sprinter gave Tonks the shaft in 'Junior Inquisitor'. I just felt that being a metamorph made her quite a unique character and that she should have gone to Bones sooner to reveal her double duties. That would have gotten Bones involved and then plot happens. Here's like four-fifths of the first chapter"

posted: 24.09.2013

Chapter 1: Conflict of Interest

Dora Tonks and Amy Bones

It was not often that a woman such as Madam Amelia Bones found herself completely stunned, and in fact, most of those came at the hands of Alastor Moody during their frequent training sessions. Unfortunately her former partner was not the cause of this particular short-circuit. This time, it was his protégé, Junior Auror Tonks.

Though a bit clumsy, the metamorphmagus was the DMLE's brightest and strongest new hire since Hogwarts' Class of '78, and she excelled in every area. The young girl was a calm, respectful, and thorough investigator, a fierce and intelligent attacker, and a powerful defender. In her three years on the job, she never once had any disciplinary actions held against her while maintaining an arrest rate that rivaled Moody and Crouch following the death of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Not once did she let her emotions get the better of her.

Until today, that is. The much esteemed Ms. Tonks shuffled into her boss' office shortly after lunch on June 23rd, 1995, and she was a mess. Though she was covered in a cloak over her Auror's robes, Amelia could see her eyes were bloodshot and almost her entire body was rippling. These were signs of her natural talent gone in what could only be described as wonky, symptoms of uncontrolled accidental magic that shouldn't have been a problem since her second year in school.

"Auror Tonks!" the director exclaimed, "What in the-" She was cut off by a voice that was violently shifting in pitch. "Level 5, please, ma'am."

Madam Bones eyes widened considerably. She correctly assumed that the ill Auror in front of her was requesting the highest of security for their unscheduled meeting, something that not even the paranoid Mad-Eye ever bothered with. Level 5 brought up bad memories.

Without even taking her eyes off the girl in front of her, Amelia tapped her wand three times across her desk, sealing the room. Then she tapped her intercom and called out to her secretary.

"Miss Johnson, clear me at least three hours. I need Croaker up from the DoM immediately. Tell him I said October Fifth. Alastor Moody is at Hog-"

"No!" Tonks yelled and took a step towards Amelia. "Not yet. Not til… just not yet"

Amelia had never been so scared in her life, and she had faced a Dark Lord and barely lived to tell about it. But this was too much. The old Master Auror had been an anchor among the DMLE, and especially the Director herself. Just the thought of the lawful, light wizard possibly be involved in a Level 5 security issue broke her heart and, in her mind, was a sign that Justice had already lost, even though she wasn't even aware of the enemy.

Just as Amelia had never seen her so broken, Tonks had never seen anyone shatter as completely as Madam Bones just did. She immediately tried to correct herself. She reached across the desk and shook her arm.

"No, Amy, never him, not like that at least." The older witch let out a breath she wasn't aware she held. "I'm not even sure it's legitimate, that's why I need to talk to you, and only you. If it is, he will be on our side, but he will likely never recover. Okay?" Amelia nodded. "Have him brought here, but he can't be in this meeting until later, if at all."

"Yes ma'am."

Tonks smiled. "There's a good boss."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I could have your badge you know. First a Level 5 with no warning. Then you tried to kill me, and now insubordination."

Tonks snorted. They both knew that the conversation awaiting them would be anything but pleasant, yet the morbid levity did serve to calm them both, as well as Tonks' pulsating. "If it's not real you'll have it voluntarily, and if it is…" She trailed off.

"Quite. Miss Johnson?"  
"Still here, you were saying something about Master Auror Moody?"  
"Yeah have him sent over from Hogwarts as soon as possible. He's not to interrupt but we will need him later. Did you already contact Croaker?"  
"No ma'am, I wasn't sure if you were going to change your mind on that as well. I will do that now."  
"Thanks."

"Dora please sit, is there anything I can do until Croaker gets here?" Amelia asked.

"Just water. Perhaps Felix Felicis and Phoenix Tears if you got 'em. Maybe a Time-Turner or four." Tonks managed to plop down in the hard back chair in front of her boss' desk without tripping over the normally stubborn carpet. Amelia grimaced in response.

"I see. I can do that," she paused "for a price anyway." The incongruity of Madam Bones, the most incorruptible official in the building, outright asking for a bribe did manage to get another smile from Tonks

"I hope we can react well enough to this that those won't be needed, but I can do it. Are you sure you're going to be okay enough to work this out right now? We can wait up to three more hours if you need to rest?" Tonks looked up at her warily.

"No ma'am, I- I'm not- I'm okay, enough for this anyway." Her eyes were downcast again.

Two beeps in one tone, and a third beep in a different tone emitted from the desk, indicating that the Director's instructions were carried out, and her second guest had arrived.


	13. 12 The Magic Tree

Original Idea: "Yeah... I was almost certainly on drugs when I wrote this. It's that bad."

Posted: 24.09.2013

"The Magic Tree"

Analogies that are trying to say that harry has powers in every branch of magic but they were all blocked. he must slowly learn to control each one, and naturally that helps the plot along.

"Harry, its-its as if fate and destiny cut down the magic tree and shot it out of a canon (sp humor) right up your arse and then rather than teach you how to make it comfortable, they wrapped it in so many control charms, if we let even one branch out, the whole thing will explode open, and you with it!"

"You fell out of the magic tree and absorbed every branch on the way down"

THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF INSANITY AND IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY NOR DOES IT REPRESENT THE LITERARY SKILLS OF THE AUTHOR.

basically a humorous scene where Potter finds out he's related to pretty much everyone an also has pretty much every magical power available. When they unblock it, his magical core detonates. Him, LV, and all the horcruxes explode rather violently. Gringotts (where harry was), the ROR, Grimauld, Little Hangleton, and part of the ministry (where nagini was at the time) are all damaged.

A small portion directly surrounding the group performing the unbinding is completely vaporized, while 90% of the money-only vaults are completely melted, though the item-storage vaults are nearly untouched. Basically what this means is that they are able to recover in time, though it was a hell of an explosion. The lestrange vault was also destroyed, though, when Helga's cup detonated. This also completely destroyed a significant number of other DE's vaults: Malfoy, Dolohov, Jugson, MacNair, Carrows, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Rowle, and others.

The portion of the ROR that is destroyed is not the 'room of hidden things' but rather a specialized room that Tom requested to store a horcrux, thus the ROR is not completely gone. Since Grimauld has the locket, it too is destroyed completely, though it has magical protections which mean that everything inside the fidelious is vaporized, while the rest of it is fine. Unfortunately, Bella and Narcissa were there because they were blacks. They had just caught Fletcher trying to steal stuff. They died, obviously.

The Ministry is almost completely destroyed. Nagini was a living magical creature which means she had her own magical core which detonated as well. As it was in the middle of the night, there were only a few dozen deaths. The issue was that she was nearing the DoM which caused several concurrent explosions and secondary magical damage. The Time Room, Death Chamber, and Love room become inexplicably intwined

***SOMETHING SOMETHING DARK SIDE/GOOD FOR HARRY***

Tom Riddle was in Little Hangleton at the Riddle Manor at the time of detonation. He was, at the time, the most magically powerful being on the planet due to his innate magic and wholehearted embrace of the Dark Arts including sacrificial rituals and ritualistic murder and rape. [[harry would be #1 but for his blocks]] In addition, he also had the Dark Mark from which to draw power. In nanoseconds, all across the world, every death eater was simultaneously reduced to ash as Tom Riddle erupted in an explosion that created a two mile wide, thousand foot deep crater, massacreing the residents of Hangleton and destroying several space objects. Debris from the explosion rained down for ten days all across the western hemisphere. Four hundred years later, geologists would disocover a fault line originating at the former crater, which would become a massive lava flow and major problem in the following millenium.

All around the world magical detectors of every sort erupt. Wards starting from central london to halfway around the planet overpower and draw in the magic.

The muggles mistake it for an attack by a foreign country. Specifically, they beleive the former Soviet Union has struck back against Britain. Not even magic could prevent them from reading the explosions that took place at Grimauld, the Ministry, and Gringotts in London. Knowing that something has happened, even if they can't find where it is (other than Hangleton obviously), the west begins a massive invasion of the communist countries including the former USSR, China, the Koreas, Cuba, and several military dicatatorships in Africa and South America.

Magic being done in and around britain becomes nearly impossible. Wardstones, wands, brooms, and dozens of other types of magical artifacts vaporize on use as the magic in the air can no longer be safely tapped into.

Fearing the use of Nuclear weapons, which would undoubtedly destroy the entire planet, magical or otherwise, the ICW steps in and orders its member countries to remove every tracce of nuclear weapons. Of course, they had been tracking since the disaster in Magical Nagasaki, so they were easily able to destroy each and every last one. It is discovered upon the order given, that the western countries not only would never use their weapons of mass destruction, all capabilities to do so had been irreperably removed during Kennedy's presidency, for which he is then assassainated.

Expidition Merlin 3 to the surface of Luna, experimenting with the magical effects of the moon during the full phase, discover that the moon is increasing in power exponentially and appears to have a direct magical connection with Britain.

Seeing that the communist dicatatorships could not possibly be responsible enough to work for the good of the light and the health and prosperity of all life, it is decided that the ICW countries will band together to eliminate those issues. They have strict protocol in place, though, to ensure they don't completely take over and destroy the free will of the billions strong muggle population. There's a quote out there about how a malevolent dictator who is such for the good of the people is much worse than any other sort of dictator because he can do whatever he wants 'for the good of the people' without affecting his own conscience. They actively push the muggle population in the right direction by strategically removing enemy support, but they don't use magical methods of control.

After 14 days of experimentation, while the moon is directly facing the sun, a column of infrared light is drawn from its surface and ejected. 4.3 seconds later, faster than the speed of light itself, the column impacts the sun, where it is harmlessly absorbed.

Thirty days after the start of this whole shebang, Harry is still releasing his power. His life force is dwindling, his forhead mangled, and his magical core is pulsating at a force rivaling Voldemort at his height. When he exploded, he created a magical stasis field around the group which almost completely protected them. As the field begins to fade, the group starts to move in on him. Thinking that they've only been there for minutes, they slowly try to force him back in control. They can tell he is near death, and are desperate to do something about it.

They begin another emergency ritual to regain control. After two hours stasis time (actually closer to 13 days) the goblins that initiated the ritual have long since passed out, and two of the oldest are already dead. Hermione, the Twins, Luna and Neville are there with Harry, doing their best to speak to him and return him. Finally, Luna is hit with an idea that someone needs to kiss him. dunno why, just bear with me here. So of course hermione is immediately volunteered. She's terrified because she's always loved him but doesn't know if he loves her. Neville, Fred and George are flabergasted. They've known since her third year that she was in love with him. Luna finally gets through to her.

As she kisses him, she is drawn to the place where he is. His soul has been on the other side, where he's been talking to his parents and others for the past couple hours in his time. Hermione is introduced and James and Lily reveal that they've known for a long time that she was his one. Blah blah blah talky talky and they return after some heartfelt goodbyes.

Finally back on good ole terra firma, Harry finally is finished, after 738 straight hours of releasing his magical power. Magical Britain is devestated, Gringotts and the ministry are lost completely. The muggle world is in chaos as the ICW does its best to return peace and eliminate the dark. Harry sits down in the hole in the ground that was a bank and greets his companions. The twins are so amazed that they are unable to seamlessly finish eachothers sentences and eventually have to be told to shut up for a while.

Neville asks if they should check him for the same blocks. The goblins pass out from the thought of the exertion, fred and george apparate far, far away and aren't seen for two months. Hermione and Harry shield themselves in a physical barrier and tell luna to fix him. then:

Luna saunters up to him.

Neville goes wide eyed "I, um, was just wondering it-"

Luna: "shut up neville"

Neville: "it's really not that big of a deal you do-"

Luna: "Neville." she is really close to him now

Neville: "you're not going to hurt me are you?"

Luna kisses him: "Shut up."

Neville stammers: "uhh, okay, what were we talking ab-"

Luna kisses him again.

Neville: "Hi Luna, I don't remember what we were doing a minute ago, do you know something about that?"

Luna snogs the crap out of him

Neville's eyes are glazed over and he can't speak.

Luna: "There we go. How about we head back to Hogwarts, huh, babe?"

Neville squeaks.

Luna: "see you guys later!"

As they walk out they run into Tonks and Lupin who happened to know where they were, and were quite concerned about them. For the past month, they've sat there taking turns watching with the other order members. It was their night tonight, as they've completely forgotten the full moon. It's still not quite night yet, so lupin wouldn't be turning anyway for another hour, but luna directs them to the bottom of the hole where a stone igloo like structure is seen. they descend quick as they can, and arrive at the bottom half an hour later. Hermione and Harry pop out, quite dishevled, and greet the other couple. After a while of explaining what's been happening, and how it affects the lovebirds, and they reciprocating with what happened to them, the moonlight appears overhead and casts shadows on the four. Hermione realizes first of course and freaks. Lupin however doesn't feel a thing, and blah blah blah dramatic scene later, they find that the moon no longer affects him. He doesn't know if its temporary, if its only him, or if it has something to do with the location.

A hundred and eighty seven years later the various plants and rituals that involve a full moon begin to work again as they were supposed to, and it is discovered that Harry overpowered the innate core of the moon, and it released its energy into the sun. That energy slowly replenshed, but since it was almost 200 years later, lycanthropy is a thing of the past.


	14. 13 HPHGLL

Original Idea: "Harry finds himself in love with Hermione and Luna. He's already dating Luna, but convinces Hermione to help him write a love declaration that Hermione thinks is for Luna, but is actually for herself. Hilarity ensues."

Posted: 24.09.2013

* * *

"Hermione there is no way Luna will go along with this!" Harry and the aforementioned witch were sitting in the library at her table staring down at six and a half feet of parchment.

Hermione groaned and shook her head. "Of course she will Harry, look it's all right here on the parchment. Just run through these," she said, pointing at a list of topics Harry was to cover, "then tell her exactly how you feel about it, toss up a few of these compliments, and look," She waved her hand over a series of possible questions and answers. "I've already gotten every possible question she could ask. It's perfect, Harry. She can't say no, I know her, she's one of our best friends."

"I'm not doubting your ability to make a compelling argument, but this is Luna we're talking about. She is not like you Hermione, she rarely is swayed by logic."

The brunette sighed. "Do you trust me Harry?" He nodded. "Good, because she's about ten steps behind you and coming in hot." His eyes went wide and he turned around in his seat to see the blonde Ravenclaw smiling and skipping right at him.

"Luna!" he exclaimed and stood up to greet her. "I have a very serious question for you."

"Yes!" The fourth year squealed and jumped into Harry's arms. A shocked Hermione watched as her best friend and the girl he'd written a six-foot declaration of love for snogging against the bookshelf.

After a few seconds of bewildered staring, Hermione coughed and whispered "Harry?" The two before her finally separated and a glowing Luna was lowered back to the floor. The supercomputer that Hermione sometimes calls her brain picked up on the younger girl's devious grin and knew something was up. Harry's mad smirk and twinkling eyes told her the rest of the story.

"Harry you asshole! How long have you been dating?" Harry just chuckled while Luna maintained her spacey smile. "We spent hours writing this damned thing and you've already been together for what, a year?" Hermione was incredibly angry that her OWL study time had been wasted.

Harry and Luna sat down around the steaming prefect and grabbed her hands to get her attention. She ceased her rant and scowled between the two of them. "Explain." She growled.

"The letter wasn't for her." Harry pointed at Luna. "I told you it would never work for Luna and-"

"Not even a little." interjected the blonde.

"See?" Harry continued "anyway, it was for someone else I recently discovered a deep love for. Someone who would appreciate the six feet of logic."

The muggleborn girl was appalled at the apparent slight. Here Harry was sitting in front of his long time girlfriend pledging love for another. "Harry! What are you talking about? You can't love two people!" She looked at Luna "how can you sit here and let him insult you and tell you he doesn't love you?"

Luna went from serene to fierce instantly. "Hermione Jane Granger! Listen to yourself! Harry is our best friend and you know damn well he'd never do that to anyone, let alone a girl, especially not one he's been in love with since last year! As smart as you are, right now you are pulling a Ron Weasley and speaking without thinking! Apologize to him right now!"

"B-but he-" She sputtered.

"Now." The blonde's eyes could have melted steel and the demand got through.

Hermione turned back to Harry and what she saw made her feel terrible. He looked burned by her words and was approaching tears. She had never seen him so betrayed. He made to stand up.

"I knew this was a bad idea. I'm sorry, I should just go."

Hermione stood up after him and grabbed his arm. "NO! Harry, I'm so sorry. Please don't go. I just.. I didn't think and it sounded so bad." Harry's expression still hadn't changed and now Hermione was sobbing. "Please forgive me Harry I thought the worst and now… I don't want to lose you over this Harry please stay and explain this."

Behind her, Luna gave Harry a pointed look and he knew he had to give the crying girl a second chance. He wrapped his arms around her and said "It's okay 'Mione."

She squeezed him back and buried her head in his chest. "I'm so sorry I hurt you Harry. This all just scared me so bad. You're the only person I've ever loved and then you tell me I've lost you to Luna over a year ago and you never trusted me to know and now you love another person and I-I thought you were just another chauvinist like Ron running through girls and everything I thought you were just shattered and I was terrified I'd never have another friend."

Whatever else she was going to say devolved into tears and was lost to Harry's shirt. Harry slowly rubbed circles in her back and whispered to her that it was alright. "I'm sorry I dropped it on you like this 'Mione, I should have known being muggle raised myself that you might think the worst." She looked up at him. "I know you need an explanation and that was what we were going to do, and I should have known you'd react badly to the way I said what I did. Remind me to never try 'coy' again. Doesn't work well. I forgive you Hermione, just try to listen and remember we're in a different culture now."

"You've been in the wizarding world for five years now Hermione." Luna spoke up and Hermione looked to where she was sitting on a red couch a few feet away. "We do things differently here and you have to remember just because it's not the way muggles do it doesn't make it wrong or immoral. And the things that are immoral are so ingrained into our every day lives that wizards literally never think about it, it just is. There's no other way. You can't change us overnight and frankly, it is rather insulting to automatically assume you're the only correct one."

Hermione let the words sink in and realize that Luna was right again. She wouldn't appreciate someone telling her that her entire culture was wrong. It would be just as bad as the witch-burners were back in the 17th century. She resolved herself to drop the issues and listen first. Still, something entirely unrelated bugged her and she had to get it off her chest.

"Luna, why do you have a couch in the Library?"

"Who says we're in the Library?" Luna said primly.

Hermione finally looked around and was startled to realize her surroundings were vastly different than when she last noticed. She was in a brightly lit room sitting on a love seat still partially wrapped around Harry. Their belongings were on a table to her left and a tray of tea sat on a low table in front of her. Harry was sipping from a small cup with one hand while the other held on to her.


	15. Fun with Fidelius: Lost the Plot

Original Idea: "Fun with Fidelius is a semi-original idea that I've been working on for ages. There's just so much I want to do with it! So many plot points to cover, characters to use, etc etc. I posted a challenge for it somewhere on the HPFC request sticky, and no one took it. I really want to write out a really really good version of the story that actually makes sense, but the odds of that happening are very slim. What this little tidbit is, is my thought on what would happen if I wrote this entire full length (like 300k word) epic and then just totally jumped the shark at the end. As it turns out, I did less shark jumping and more just losing the plot entirely, hence the title. As usual, I'm a poor storyteller and equally bad writer, so I don't blame you if you don't like it.

Written and Originally Posted: 28/09/2013

* * *

Fun with Fidelius: Lost the Plot

Epilogue

It took the wayward Hogwarts alumni well over two years to undo the various Fidelius Wards around Grimmauld Place. While normally stoic and emotionally distant, Harry took Hermione's sacrifice the hardest. Without his raw magical power, and Hermione's intellect and finesse, breaking the charm was nearly impossible. Fred, George, and Luna persevered though, knowing that everything that was Hermione- her memories, the work that defined her and ultimately killed her, and worst of all, her lifeless body- were stuck behind the walls she created to defeat Voldemort.

The ever changing magics were a testament to what could have been. Harry and Hermione, in sync and in harmony, created a living, sentient ward that was intent on keeping itself hidden. Luna and the twins frequently reflected on how advanced the magical world would have been had the Potters survived as one. Instead, Hermione was dead and Harry might as well be, for all he was living.

Harry was driven by anger and hate. It was a true miracle he hadn't gone dark, at 17 he was more powerful than Tom Riddle and by 19 he could have been uncontested ruler of the world. At age 20, with his wife dead and gone without even a body to mourn, he got revenge. It was a slow process though, as at every turn he'd bitterly remind himself how Hermione could have gotten it done ten times faster. Even then, it wasn't nearly as drawn out as the traitor's "death".

Still, he did make the entire world consistently see Ron Weasley, the redheaded bastard as the embodiment of evil, the image of the devil, death and every immoral being and abstract thought of sin. His name and image would be remembered well after the death of Earth itself. A fitting end for the vile stain that cost him his wife, and not bad for two days work.

After that, Harry slept. He had nothing to live for and did his best to die, but it turned out yet another of his wife's hypotheses was true. The magic of a powerful enough sorcerer simply wouldn't allow him die, at least not due to apathy. After a year immobile, Harry was discovered by remnants of the Death Eaters.

When he left his room, "remnants of the Death Eaters" barely measured a whole corpse, and Harry discovered something else about his magic. It wasn't just dehydration, starvation, and atrophy his magic actively fought. It could cure pain, fix slashed organs and bashed extremities, and even splinch himself right around spells, before seamlessly returning whole. His magic had goals and ideas his heart and mind were intensely opposed to, and sorely losing against.

Many, many more dark wizards sorely lost against Harry's magic, over the next few months. He simply walked from place to place, silent, mindless, uncaring of his destination, he was a vessel delivering the parasite his magic had become. Death and destruction were left in their wake. The places he walked by, the ones not burned to the ground anyway, gave no notice or objection to the violent destruction of the darker elements. He drew them in like flies to a light and his magic snuffed them like a bug zapper.

Over time though, it seemed that as Harry's magic made itself more known and more powerful, it became more disconnected. The primal emotional urges left him completely, and just as the last of his control left, so did the cobwebs and fog covering his mind. All at once, he knew his destination. He had to go to where his story began, where so many ended. Grimmauld Place. And so he ran.

Harry ran for 132 days nearly non-stop. He was determined and his magic wasn't about to let him die, yet it couldn't change his course either. The whole way back to London, only Hermione Potter was on his mind. He knew he had to do something, and that something was at the Black Manor. That something was at the site where his wife died.

Harry arrived at the still warded site on September 19, 2002. Hermione's 23rd birthday. Two years, 49 days after her death. Fred, George, and Luna were waiting for him.

"Hello Harry." Fred said solemnly. "We got something." Added George.

"It's the pictographs, my dear. It's what Hermione was working on before… well, just before. She had the key before she even built the lock." Luna spoke clearly, her normally gray eyes a sharp green.

"We just haven't gotten the right order yet, my…" Fred trailed off.

"Suh—ome" George mumbled "you will recognize. We think you'll know this."

"We can only help you so far." Whispered Luna.

They laid out the images before him. Images and memories flashed through Harry's eyes as his hands unconsciously placed them one on top of the other.

First was a red and silver kite shield. It looked both ancient and brand new, both well used and pristine. The large image took up almost the entire page. it was the beginnings to a coat of arms.

Three animals and a mythical creature came next. Jumbled among the others, they meant nothing. Placed on the shield, it was the Hogwarts crest. The Raven, The Badger, the Snake, and the Gryffin. Harry remembered every single time he saw the crest, from his first year books to the lowest vault in Gringotts.

Next came a sword. It was identical to one he thought lost for good. After already using it to kill a basilisk and two dragons, Harry used it to destroy a hoard of Dementors. After that, it had abosorbed too much negative energy to remain a suitable weapon. It ran down the center of the page, the hilt sticking above the shield, and the point just barely below, with two drops of blood hanging from the end.

The oldest and simplist pictograph came next. Four lines and a circle. Most of Harry hated what it represented: an offering deemed insufficient. The tools of Death himself returned willingly, yet a sacrifice was needed still. What about all the souls delivered by Riddle himself? Why weren't they enough? In a tiny part of Harry Potter's mind, the symbol of the Deathly Hallows was seen as something entirely unmagical, tools of a different trade. The small picture took up the top left corner.

In the top right, Harry placed a small black paw print, and remembered his dogfather fondly. In the bottom right, his other godfather was honored with a symbol of balance: half of the moon, and half of the sun, connected like the yin-yang symbol over an ingot of half gold and half silver. Harry saw the only family he ever knew, but he also saw travel and trade, growth and change.

Mirroring the wealth were four books stacked vertically in the bottom left corner. The unintelligible titles represented knowledge. Perhaps wisdom and understanding as well. Most of all, he thought of his Hermione.

Harry paused with that addition. Here was a complete pictograph, capable of taking down a massive Fidelius charm, yet he knew it was incomplete. It was calling out to him, begging to be finished. There were four pieces of paper left.

The next two produced an image more powerful than any other, yet more confusing. Placed over the lower half of the shield and sword, partially blocking the crest and extending past it on either side, were the antlers of what had to be a massive stag. James Potter's animagus, Harry Potter's patronus. Above that, a bright green lily and a silver moonflower, forming an X over the sword, and covering the crest even more. Harry instantly saw his parents in the image, but stared at Luna instead. The moonflower was her signature. What was it doing in something referring to his family? She stared back at him, her green eyes glowing. "Two more" she said.

The second to last page contained a banner, and what it said made Harry ill. He guessed that this was his family crest, what he was creating. He knew nothing about his family, though, and only a little bit about the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Chief among those facts was that it was dark, evil, bigoted, and wrong. Yet the banner above House Potter's coat of arms proudly proclaimed "Toujours pur".

Our hero was devastated. How could he be a Potter knowing that living up to his forefathers meant eradicating his wife and mother from his own family tree? It made him sick. And to think that this is the key to Hermione's lock! Harry wondered how she managed to come up with it and see it through. Then he remembered the last page, and quickly placed it over the rest.

However, it was blank. There was nothing there to add to the crest. Harry looked around at the twins and Luna. "What is this?"

"This is your part, my son. Only you can complete it." Said George.

"You know what it is pup. Only one who is pure can finish it." Said Fred.

"But I'm not pure! I'm only a halfblood!" exclaimed Harry.

"My dear baby boy, your are pure where it counts" said Luna, as she picked up his hand and guided his ring finger and wedding band to rest over his chest.

Harry remembered then. The words on his ring, the words his wife said as her vows. The words he responded with. He pulled the gold band from his finger for the first time since he put it on, and read the inscription inside: "Toujours Pur: Always Pure of Heart and Soul – HJP 31 July 1998"

With tears in his eyes, Harry drew the bottom banner, writing the proper latin translation with in. When he looked up again, Grimmauld place was glowing, indicating the wards were breaking down. Where Fred, George, and Luna stood, in their place were Sirius Black and James and Lily Potter. With Harry left speechless and stunned, they initiated the tearful greeting.

Harry's family congratulated him on completing the key, and told him he needed to see his wife. Harry walked slowly towards the glowing manor, gradually becoming blinded by its white light.

Suddenly, Harry's eyes opened. Everything was white, but it wasn't shapeless. He saw tiles and a wall. He felt terribly groggy and pained. He heard beeping nearby, and the sound of a faraway voice. He sniffed once, and opted to never do that again. The first thing any of his senses recognized, the sterile smell of a hospital bed, induced a near-vomit reaction.

Harry looked around slowly, testing out his muscles from face on down. Pretty much every movement twinged, but they weren't restricted at all. Eventually he rolled his head to the side, and what he saw made him the happiest person alive. In the chair beside his bed, his lovely wife sat sleeping, one hand in his. He squeezed it, feeling their wedding bands rub together. Slowly, her chocolate eyes opened, and stared right into his.

"Hermione… Potter." he rasped.

Her face split into a tear filled smile.


End file.
